I feel so suffocated and asphyxiated. I feel like I’m going to blow up any second in any day. I feel like I cannot suppress my anger any longer, and I feel so frustrated. All I can think of is suicide, and I feel like a huge burden because my family expects me to get better but I can’t. I can’t fix my genetics, and certainly I cannot cure myself of this disease. My family says, “One day, you will get better. You have to.” But I have no power over this disease and I feel so pressured to get better, which I cannot do.
I feel like I can’t please my mom at all because I’m not getting better. I’m hiding my emotions from her and pretending that I’m completely holding this together. Having a disability is putting a lot of pressure on me, and it’s so hard to get through this alone. My family expects me to stay calm and not freak out when my body is destroying herself, but I’m on the verge of tears because I can’t control my body.
I’m at my grandmother’s place and I feel like I need to yeet out of life. I can’t do this. I can’t hold this together and I just want out. I’m honestly so frustrated with my situation and I feel like I can’t escape this. I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack or have a really bad psychotic episode. I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m so excited to go to this new school and everything but I’m honestly so tired of my physical disease and constant fatigue and pain. Despite trying to talk to my family, I’ve been told that I should hide it.
I was told by my brother to act “strong” in front of my grandmother, and I’m honestly in so much pain. I can’t talk to my mom about it. I don’t want to do this alone; I don’t know how I can do this. I just want to scream on the top of my lungs and yell as hard as I can. I feel like I’m going to die.
Thank you for reading. I’ll try my best.