Im such a fool for ever thinking that thrings could stay good. I knew it was too good to be true. I liked my job I enjoyed being there and I enjoyed the people there. They even seemed to accept me and at the least nicely tolerate me. But that was wishful thinking of a naive girl.
I dropped out mid semester this year to get mental health together. Two of my classmates are interning where I work, for school. I haven’t seen or talked to them since I dropped out. One of them had previously worked where I work now though it was before the school year started. (Im sorry it might seem random now but everything is connected and relevent.)
Today my coworker mentioned he had a terrible hangover then made the comment that he heard I had a rough weekend a couple weeks ago. I was confused as I didn’t know what he was talking about. I had gone into work with a hangover one day but it wasnt a rough weekend. He then said that people were calling me “the corner lady,” and laughed. When he said it I was confused and tried asking why they were saying that but he just said he didnt know which I dont believe. I tried finding out more but he wouldnt say. I left and went back to my station and thats when it hit me.
Towards the beginning of the first semester I went to a party. My first and only. I made a big mistake. I had forgotten to factor in the fact that I’d barely eaten that day and that I was drinking stuff I didnt normally drink. I blacked out. Only time its happened. Apparently I threw up all over the persons couch. And I might as well tell you guys since it feels like the whole world knows anyways. I was standing in the corner and I pissed myself. I came out of the blackout moments after it happened. I still feel so stupid. How could I do that!? I am still horrified at it. This was months and months ago. I was hoping it would blow over. At the very least starting my new job was a fresh start.
Now it’s ruined. I’m pretty positive that one of those classmates told some of my coworkers what happened that night. I was finally doing good. I finally had a place outside of home that I could feel normal interacting with people. I had a place outside of home that I liked. I know I messed up big time and trust me i learned my lesson and I’m still ashamed of it but I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve for it to follow me around everywhere. I don’t want everyone to just look at me as if I’m only my mistakes. I want them to see me too.
I don’t wanna look at them at all. I don’t want to see their stupid faces. I had something good. I was doing good. I was talking to people. Actually letting myelf be comfortable around other people. I know it’s really my fault because of my stupid decisions but why does it have to keep punishing me. Believe me I got the messege.
Sz and booze dont mix and i never learned having had maybe half a dozen seriously embarassing blackout incidents over the years. I know youre mortified but you will have to live with your mistake.
I agree with @Charles_Foster . try to be humorous about it. You don’t have to quit. You’re doing well there so stick it out if you can at all. Lots of people have done what you’ve done. Lots. Try to laugh about it
I know it seems bad. And younger people especially around college age can be harsher but youve got to find a way to live with yourself. I too suffer from stupid things i say and do. People reactions are not good and i feel judged or embarrised but we cant let those situations take us out. You have to find a way to make peace with it. You are worth much more then that event.
Hey, it’s okay. I did way worse than that when I drank and it’s in my rear-view now. I promise that it will be funny as heck to you ten years from now. Just learn from the experience and keep rolling. You WILL get past this.
Damn it. Now I have green tea in my lungs. Owwwww.
For now I’m just gonna ignore. Not acknowledge it. If they don’t get a rise then it should become old news and it’s whatever. I’ll do that for now as at the moment I don’t think I can make light of it. I’ll try to get there eventually.
My advice would be just to laugh about it. This is only an issue if you take yourself seriously. If you just bring it up in conversation and joke about it like you don’t care, it takes the power away from them and they have nothing to hold over you. You have to let go of your shame, though.