I'm struggling with suicidal ideations

I’m stressed, emotional and physically. I have a bunch of people in my life who always seem to be there with their hand out when they need something. But I have very little support for when I need something. Today is not a good day and all day it’s been can you do this , can I have that. It started with an early morning phone call wanting a ride and it just hasn’t stopped. Even now as we are moving into the afternoon we are still getting calls for rides. It has me on edge beyond belief. I’m normally a kind and generous person but right now I feel like telling everyone to ■■■■ off.

Also yesterday my daughter had a nervous breakdown and caused all this drama about not wanting to get married on Thursday and they kept calling the house and the phone was going dead, I couldn’t get a hold of her on facebook all day, when she finally replied to me she said she couldn’t talk because she cleaning. Meantime I’m having a nervous breakdown not knowing if they are going to get married and shes cleaning. She had no awareness that her drama had affected me. She was fine so that’s all that mattered. It was like a big screw you mom, and I of course just put up with it. Trying to explain it to her would just cause more drama so I stay silent. I’m a silent little doormat.

And that’s just one person, then there are neighbors who want food or rides or toilet paper or god knows what else. Do you think they would give me toilet paper if I ever ran out? NO because they would be on there last roll wondering who to borrow from this month.

These are some of the external reasons I feel bad, but then theres the inside stuff. I keep seeing stuff out of the corner of my eye and I know it’s not real but its bothering me and startling me. And it makes me worry if more scary hallucinations are to come. The noise in my head is at times deafening, Since my stress is so high my IBS is flairing up and its just awful and very painful. And I’m getting lots of headaches. Just really overwhelmed. That’s why I say I’m done there’s only so much I can take.

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I’m sorry you feel this way, it sounds like you need a rest.

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