I dont even think i have the words to describe, but ilk try. Im very bothered, even disturbed, by what im going to share here.
Ok, so basically im just freaked out by our ability to appear to have conciousness, to think, make decisions, and generally be self aware. I mean think about, whats a more psychotic activity then what we are all doing right now.
Ive also been having these images in my head. Images of extreme violence and cruelty. I look at myself (regards to my physical space i use up), then i think about how im just a big piece of meat.
Its so strange. I can only describe it as some form of dissociation. We look at our face in the mirror and see a unique identifier. After all your passport is a picture of your face rather than your stomach. But a face is only something that houses our eyes, noise, mouth. It means nothing.
These thoughts are making me feel scared. Were all just a meat sack working through our own little tragedy called life.
But of course most of us go through our lives never seeing the workd in this way. And why would they? This is all we know, being human that is.
Were bloody maniacs, all of us.
Not to mention real pain. Not oh my back feels a little stiff. But horrible horrible pain. Your guts blown open by a machine gun. My god, can you imagine the pain? I doubt we can even comprehend what wounds such as those could possibly feel like.
I feel like there will be a lot of excruciating physical pain awaiting me in my future. For thousands of years we have been in brutal war after brutal war. Now suddenly for many of us we havent even had a real war (by real i just mean a lot at stake). Thus i think we have become detached of the true horror of what all our lives could be like.
I dont know if this is making any sense.
I nearly joined the military when I was young, so glad I missed that interview now. I could have been blown up or worse…
I see violence once in a while, which makes me isolate myself from others. Also my thinking patterns does not make sense, so it makes me feel i have been seeing the world in totally different way. With strangeness and weirdness i dwell.
I think quite a few people can relate. I do anyway
Existential dread like that is pretty common in depressed people. I wish I could view the world as a just place
In group the other day, I was thinking, “what is spacetime? How do people/atoms move through space? Are people aware of this like me? Why does it exist and how? Is space even real?”
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