Knowing that i have half the brain that my peers (rather future competition) has. Knowing I’m mentally faulty, a defect. Im going to fail but im going to fail extravagantly.
“Humans born with the genetic predisposition for destruction of self,
Thats why i smoke cigarettes and blunts
Drink liquor till my liver turn inside out
■■■■■■■ up my physical health”
-Rodan/Human Inquisition
it just seems like you aren’t as smart because people like us have a harder time expressing our actual intelligence!
Cheer up Kazuma!!
I’m not the person who likes to discourage people or bust they’re dreams but instead of failing extravegently, maybe you should set your sights a little lower and use your brain and energy to do something a little less stressful, and something where you know you have a fighting chance to succeed. Maybe aim a little lower. This is probably bad advice. But sometimes, with this disease we have to compromise.
Hey, you are plenty smart. I heard that only a fool believes they are smart and the true genius knows he is foolish.
You have already shown yourself to posses a level of insight and contemplative ability that is not common in people. That there is true intelligence.
hey,
Yeah it’s easy to wallow in self pity and do stuff for your behaviour.
Smoking pot for schizophrenia is inviting disaster. I’d suspect your not schizophrenic?
If you are then your to blame for your condition. No one else. You need the simple story. Take meds get well.
No sympathy. I’ve been suffering since I was 14 and I’m now 45. I love my life and all it’s entailed. I suspect you feel otherwise and I guess that is your problem.
A friend in the struggle,
rogueone.
That’s easy to say when you’re young, but when you get older those hangovers hurt worse.
Dude you’re going to be alright…
Half a brain is still worth more than half the people out there who have no brain at all.
You got emotional depth man… it’s something that not many people really tap into. Once you start meeting depressives/recovered depressives… you’re going to make good friends with them.
As far as applicability in the work force… you gotta fake it until you make it. Get to the point where your illness is internal. It doesn’t effect your speech or world-view or even view of self… you’d feel like a champ if you could just keep it all in your head. I’m still working on these things…
These days though I don’t think real life starts until your 30… all your peers finally grow up and people are more who they are going to be for the rest of their lives… there is a lot more clarity.
@Kazuma, there’s nothing romantic or artistic in self-destruction. It’s an ugly and base escape mechanism that you have the power to stop. I wouldn’t bother to say such a harsh thing if, a. I hadn’t been there myself, and b. I didn’t have a heart for you. Life is full of it’s own suffering and danger without making your own willfully. I’m 49, and I’ve been at this a long time. You’re just starting out and you’ll have to find your own way, I know, but there is enough to battle without battling yourself. Lift yourself up, take one step at a time. I believe you’re quite articulate and capable. 
️