I'm so jealous I want to die

People who were wanted children develop into good people. I feel like a criminal because I wasn’t wanted.

1 Like

No one really wanted me. I didn’t turn out a criminal.

Did you feel jealous of others?

At times I did and still do. But I get past it.

My mother tried abortion and it failed. I think I was hurt. I feel nothing but pain now.

I sometimes think I am too stupid to become a criminal. I have no motivation and no emotions. They live like animals at least and I live like a rock in my bed. They kill each other for drugs and money.

1 Like

My mum doesn’t know how to express her love for me. She is a strong Catholic upbringing and is very black and white, she doesn’t seem to have empathy for me if I were to talk to her about me.
I feel a lot of pressure from her to be perfect. Idk if I’m imagining it but it would makes me feel extremely neurotic I’d I were to be very open with her. So I don’t.

I mean I bought a pizza yesterday and she got really angry and disappointed at me it really stresses me out. It triggers flashbacks from when she was in my head aswell.

This is maybe going to sound extremely bad to you guys but I think when she passes away I will feel better :(. I do love her but that is the extent of the bad vibes I feel from her :(… Does that make me a bad person?

I don’t understand how you feel like a criminal. I don’t feel like a criminal I just feel low self esteem as a result.

I feel like a criminal because I want to harm myself due to my misery.

1 Like

OK that makes sense. I also harm myself due to my mysery with gluttony.

I hope you don’t harm yourself. Because you are a special person.

I have to just add about my mum, she means well though, I think, … Its just she doesn’t get me

I think you might feel guilt about not liking her.

It’s more a matter of being scared of her :frowning: than not liking her :frowning:. I honestly do love her though. I know because when I think of her struggles I get sad.

Idk how to stop being scared of her. Defo need to bring this up when I do talk therapy later this year :frowning:, her being in my head was one of the worst experiences I have had. I think that has exacerbated my fear.

Were you ever scared of your mother or did you not like her…?

Yes, I was very afraid of her. The most horrible experience in my life was having her for a teacher in high school. I could not be myself around her.

I had like half of the parenting that I needed. It did mess me up, but at the same time I should appreciate the freedom.

1 Like

I definitely needed guidance.

I feel jealous a lot more so of people who have confidence … i envy anyone who speaks out for themself and doesn’t care what anyone thiinks …

1 Like

Yes but if you have to rely on people for your income, you have to guard your words.

That’s a really limiting way to live, making money around people you don’t feel free around and you have to be all PC about it. It’s like ideologically selling out.

I was given up for adoption and by my first family who threw me out when I was four because they didn’t want me anymore, so I know the emotions. Sometimes I fear people will leave me, when they get angry at me. It’s a knee jerk reaction. This is why I avoid conflict.


I’m jealous of people who have strong connections. I feel like I have no strong connection to anyone and that I have to go alone.

1 Like