I recently found out I have £4000 in my appointee account.
I have been wanting to go back to India since the last time I there which is 9 years ago now. I want to go to Kerala this December for one month. I have the means now! Kerala would be a tester before I travel up north to Varanasi so I can cleanse my soul in the river Ganges. I am very apprehensive about going straight to Varanasi, it would mean a lot of planning and travelling. Kerala would give me the confidence.
The thing its in all my medical notes and hospital section reports/tribunal reports it says that going to the Ganges to cleanse my soul was a delusion on my part and that I said I must sacrifice myself to release all my positive energy and save the would. I know this was a delusion but I think this could stop me from going?
I want to add it isn’t a delusion anymore and I have no plans to hurt myself. I do want to be cleansed though.
Do you think in light of me having delusions around India in the past and a chance of hurting myself they could stop me?
I am very enthusiastic, I feel elated about it. I do actually feel positive thinking about going. Its brought me out feeling dissociationed from the world and gave me something to look forward too.
Do you think I should approach the subject and not even mention the Ganges, just concentrate on Kerala?
How can I reassure them?