I'm so ashamed... what now?

I know it is a minor issue compared to all the other stuff, but somehow I’m really really upset and ashamed and want to crawl in my bed and never come out. :frowning:

I had to rush from work to hospital to dancing class, because I had to visit my mum in hospital suddenly. Therefore I couldnt shower or change clothes or eat dinner. It also rained. I did put on deodorant and wash armpits and eat mints, but still. Im totally terrified that I smelled horrible, we were in close embrace and my dance partner must have thought “yuk” all the class. I asked my son (who has a real sensitive nose) and he said he didn’t notice before, but now I asked and he came close, my dress smelled a little bit. I asked my mum and she said my coat smelled like rain, but she didn’t notice anything else. I’m horrified that this guy (and also the dancing teachers who practiced with me) must think I’m disgusting and unhygienic. I want to stop the class and never come back. I should have cancelled.

Just be fresh the next time then and forget the previous time. We human beings can’t be ashamed of every little “mistake”.


Dont stop the class if you did smell the dancing partners will probably forget about it soon enough.

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Thanks both. I really hope they will forget. The guy did know I had to rush from hospital, which might make him more forgiving/understand that it was a different situation from normal. I know it is the tiniest of problems, but somehow I always fear people think I’m weird already, so this doesnt help.

You’re over reacting. Even if you did smell a little bit, which I doubt, no one is going to judge you for a faint smell. It just means you’ve been working hard.


As others have said - I really would not worry about it. Dont give up something you enjoy just cos of a bit of sweat. And i reckon they never noticed anyway.

Hell, at least your aware of your Personal Hygiene, ive known a few people that have stinked to high heaven and havent even bothered to use Deodarant. I would chill out about it.

Everyone sweats.


I’m thinking you might have some self esteem issues.

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Yes, I have self-esteem issues. I do think I smelled bad, and im ashamed, but it isn’t really important. My mind kind of does that…there were some real stressful issues (mum being supersick, not being able to pay rent, losing my job, many colleagues losing theirs) and my mind starts blowing up minor details. Sorry. :-/

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I sponge bathe twice a week. I feel this is sufficient. I don’t use deodorant or after shave yet I go with confidence.

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I dont know…i have been thinking why it hurt me so. It is just…however hard i try…im never going to be a normie. People notice im different. That i make weird mistakes like that. I enter a new social environment and at some point people notice and stop treating me like an equal human being. Mostly in polite ways, but that is even more hurtful. I just really really want to be normal.

Relax…I bet you smelled just fine.

But that’s what our affliction can do. It takes a little something that should be pushed to the very back of our brain…in filing cabinet 1001…and brings it to the front of the brain as a number 1 priority.

Going a day without showering is nothing. Keep enjoying your dancing and stop stewing about these piffles.


Thanks!!! I know my mind does do that indeed.

But im not sure…I think normies too are feeling horrible when they discover they stink.

My son now says my clothes smelled, sometimes badly, like mildew. I changed my laundry detergent, cleaned my washing machine, take the wash out right away and wash them daily or once every two days. I have been somewhat lazy with such things because i was burn out.

My boss today actually commented on me looking good and smelling fresh (after i told him i was too stressed out to work or do housework). Im mortified - he wouldnt say that if i always did. Also, i feel my dancing teacher looked subtly disturbed when she came close.

I just dont know how to behave with these people at all.

Im sorry for being so upset, paranoid, panicking about such a minor thing. I have always been told it is horrible to smell because people will judge you. My mum even checks her breath while acutely ill in a hospital bed.

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Sponge baths are fine, but trust me, you do need deodorant.

This might be a little off topic but the no. 1 thing that puts me off, smell wise, of women, is strong perfume. The fumes give me headaches the same way paint fumes do for most people. Strong perfume is so awful, I was stuck next to a woman on the plane wearing some and had almost a full on migraine by the time we got let off.

I have only smelled BO on a woman back in elementary school, there was someone who made a habit of not bathing. It was pretty mild though, nothing strong or disruptive. I was told I stunk in a mental hospital once, probably the truth as I was neglecting to shower regularly.

I would shower first and if you can’t you can always cancel if you’re worried about it. It feels awful to be called out for smelling bad. I use Speed Stick deodorant baby powder scent and apply it twice a day. But hey, everybody who dances is gonna sweat, right?

Yes, there is always sweating involved. And i do shower daily, use deodorant, subtle perfume. Nobody really said anything at the dance, but my son (who has his autistic father’s sensitivity to smell) said he dislikes the smell of my clothes, when i asked. I now changed how i wash them and he loves it. I just hope people dont think and talk behind my back as being the unhygienic schizophrenic girl.

And yes, i too dislike strong perfumes.

Is this intense fear of smelling bad something new, or have you always had this problem? Has it always been this bad, or has it worsened recently? You might try talking to some kind of mental health professional about it.

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I don’t want to get all Freudian on you, but it might be related to anxiety you feel about your mother. How sick is she?

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Actually, to bust in, Freudian would only be involved if the issue was related to her father.

Freud said that women have a complex regarding their mothers too. It’s called the “Electra Complex”. I’m not sure exactly how it works, though.

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It’s when a daughter subconsciously competes with her mother for her father’s love.