Im sick of feeling desire to live

I have induce the will to live so many times. When i was in hardship…i used to just make up a thing that i still want and then i sqeezed the will to live out of me.

But now i feel i wanna throw up when i do it. Dying is better then raping the will of life out of you.

I imagine how i walk on the street wanting to live…and i just feel like i dont want it.

I dont want to want to live.

I think its a trap. You only start to want to live to get tortured again life is only about being tortured.

At thing point …i am inviting a murderer in with a smile and offer him 5$ as a tip.

Have you considered an antidepressant?

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I know, kerli. I think i am the same… I am fed up of fighting. Just know you are not alone in this and lets keep trying though… Me too i have thousand reasons to die, but still, i want to live cause my hope of happiness is still strong.


I have also to cope with the feeling of wanting to die.

My mind is hurting me, constantly in varied ways. This mental torture is a feature of my illness.

As a result of being torture, I seek a way out, though not always actively.

While I’m not acutely suicidal, I could reach that point easily, my mind has just not decided to hit me with that one yet.

When it becomes an issue, I may be hoslitalized.

I remembered i like smoking. I guess i will stay around and smoke 50 more years.

Yeah I was thinking of suicide last night and this morning. I’ve had a series of bummers lately and I’m not feeling in very good shape due to arthritis and obesity related causes. But when I thought of the consequences if I succeeded or didn’t succeed and realized that i didn’t want to spend the phone minutes calling Suicide Hotline I knew I wasn’t very serious about it. Our illnesses are tough to deal with and i have been there many times myself and even attempted to do it once. Nothing however is worse than the feeling you get when you know you may have just killed yourself. Look at it this way. There have been better days then today. There can be better days in the future.

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