Im ruining everything

Im goibg to end up destroying my relationship. The one person i have left. I cant stop acting out and im pushing him away. I dont want to be like this and yet here i am still doing the same things. And he makes me so angry sometimes with some of the thibgs he says. So i dont know what i want. Maybe a part of me doesnt want anybody cause then it will be easier to leave. But another part doesnt want that at all. I want something easy but that seems to never jappen everything in my life is a struggle and i destroy everything.

When you say he makes you angry sometimes with the things he says, is it to do with disapproval? Sometimes, especially off meds, we can be sensitive to disapproval from friends and family.

Yea i think so apparently i cant seem to handle anythung said to me which is very annoying.

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You’ll have to forgive me, but I can’t remember if you’re on meds or not. Meds sorted that issue out for me, not completely, but 90%.

I make everything better, and everything ruins me. everyone that touches me hurts me. everyone that pretends to care later leaves me in the shadows. I am my only alibi or ally everyone else is a coward bitch and a traitor or someone who cares too much that it hurts me because I don’t want to lose the people I love. Life is so hard to handle that I feel like I’m slipping, getting older is making me depressed. Being a woman and treated like my emotions are symptoms of Bipolar feels like stigma and abuse. Being told I’m a monster because the house got messy and my medication depressed me feels unfair. Taking care of my mom for a year because my father moved out isn’t fair, neither is being told it’s my fault she left the house and ended up in the mental hospital. While my mother got flowers delivered to the mental hospital, I was told I was worthless and that I didn’t matter because I did nothing but mess up the house and smoke cigarettes inside, and that all I wanted to do was watch tv and smoke all the time. I was told this by my brother and father and then I was threatened that I would be cut off after one year after I move out whether or not I find a job. My dad said he’s going bankrupt and yet he won’t tell me his other address. I’ve been called financial damage, a little monster, and “■■■■ you!” a lot and then my dad said he wanted to kill himself because I was driving him crazy when he’s not even here and just came home, when I was sick on mother’s day woke me up and hit me for smoking in the house. I was told by my aunt that I should realize how much he’s done for me, and that I’m disrespectful and then she advised going to a shelter. I hate everyone in my family they are all turning their backs on me. I’m trapped in a situation and being threatened to be thrown on the street, and that’s supposed to be normal.

No im not but hopefully my doc can sort womething out when i see him in 3 weeks.

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Thats horrible, im sorry that happened to you. Ot osnt fair or right. Definately isnt normal. I grew up in a very crazy family and it was extremely rough but i now live at my bf house with his family which is much better but im scared ill screw it all up.