I owe you guys an apology.
I’m not using this forum on a healthy level. In fact, I’m just continuously exploding on here. I’m basically acting like a shi*ty person and just a manipulator.
I’m not trying to make people to feel sorry for me. I’m not trying to make people to offer me emotional support. That is not my intention.
The reason why I say bad things to myself is because I truly believe what I am saying. I truly believe that I’m just a jerk, and I don’t deserve anything. If I voice that to my parents, my parents yell at me to shut up, and end up yelling at me about how worthless I am for thinking this way. I haven’t been able to see my therapist for weeks because the plans get cancelled or my brother needs a ride to his work. So, I’m stuck. My friends are all in another country. I’m at home all day, either on the computer or doing embroidery. I don’t have any means of going out because the bus stop is 30 minutes away from my home.
I’ll work on controlling these impulses of outrage against myself. And if I just keep getting angry at myself due to triggers, I’ll leave the forum for days to cool off. This is not healthy on any level, and this is not healthy for the forum. I’m starting to believe that I don’t deserve to be here, and I’m just ruining the forum because I’m either complaining about my rare disease, about my life, about my country, or about loneliness. This isn’t healthy.
I’m very sorry for anyone I’ve offended, or anyone I’ve angered. I’m sorry if I come across as manipulating or deceiving. That is not my intention.
Again, I would like to offer my apologies to anyone who was offended by my words. I’m truly sorry.