I'm Pretty sure I'm SZ

Hey, all.

Where to even begin?

I have suffered from mood disturbances most of my life, especially since adolescence. I’ve been to various doctors since 1999 to try and deal with this, and I’ve been puzzling over a diagnosis of Bi-Polar since then. In recent years, Unipolar Depression has been the go-to diagnosis but knowing what I know and feeling what I feel, I can’t imagine that’s the whole story. I have self-medicated with alcohol (no party drugs, not even Pot) and have tried numerous medications (Geodon, Seroquil, and Lamictal) over the years, but the only one I’ve ever been on for any length of time is Lamictal, which I am not currently on and am curious to get back on.

I have very recently had an MRI of my brain and the only abnormality is a small cyst on my brain that, according to my neuro is not a cause for concern.

I had a total nervous breakdown in 2004 with auditory hallucinations and paranoia. Current symptoms include: paranoia, dream-like quality to everyday life and time displacement. The time displacement is the WORST.

It should be noted that I have been under an incredible amount of stress over the past 18 months, but I have been under more before then.

First time to these forums, but I would very much like to start a dialogue. Have an appointment for a psychiatrist in October, but trying to find one that takes my insurance ahead of that.

Help. Please. Dark thoughts are occurring. Maybe not desperate yet, but the darkness is encroaching.

If it helps: in 2004, during the nervous breakdown, my paranoia manifested itself in auditory hallucinations of tigers growling, believing “GOD” was talking to me through my alarm clock, and in veiled messages in tv shows and movies.

Am I experiencing that now? No. But I have learned to view that kind of thing philosophically, believing there is a pattern in the universe and when I see that it means I’m on “the right path.”

well, only a pdoc can diagnose you, but if you’ve used drugs, and also been off and on meds, likely you will become symptomatic of the manifestation of schizophrenia.

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You’re diagnosed with bipolar which includes hallucinations and delusions. Manic depression is very similar to schizophrenia but less frequent are the positive symptoms. They usually come in periods like three months or every year a bout of mania high with positive symptoms or low with depression or negative symptoms. Schizophrenia means usually more severe or absent of mood disorder but recurrent enough to rule it out. My label was changed from schizophrenia to bipolar when it was apparent my positive symptoms are much less severe now than upon first onset episode. Episodes can be brief too or stress related. You’ll be ok you’re on the right track just explain and research the input of professionals.

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thought i would say hi.
this is a safe place to be… :heart:
take care :alien:

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Thanks for the kind words. :slight_smile: This really does feel like virgin territory in terms of symptoms but maybe this is just a new manifestation. My S.O. has been out of town for a few days, so y’know…idle hands and whatnot.


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