that this will not get better
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It will get better ish.
The pain never really goes away, but over time you’ll get better at handling it. This is all still so new and happening right now. I’ve said it before, but even neurotypicals have a hard time dealing with this stuff. When do you see your private pay doctor next? You might want to ask her if you can increase your visits. Also, look for support groups in your area. When my dad was sick, we went to a support group for people who were also dealing with loss. It helped me not feel so alone. You’re someone who craves social interaction and peer approval, so maybe that would help you too.
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Ish,
Glad to see you’re still keeping contact here!
Jayster
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You will get better at handling and managing it. Over time you sort of get used to it
Yeah, I pretty much hit rock bottom about 5 months ago when everything went bad at once. I lost my mom, I lost my housing, I had to quit school, I couldn’t drive my car, and I was suicidal and I had to be hospitalized after being out of the hospital for 25 years and I had to take a two-month break from my job. Sounds pretty bad doesn’t it?
I was seriously, seriously afraid that I would never connect with another human being again and that I was going to end up on some back ward of a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life. I felt very, very bad.
Well, screw schizophrenia or any other mental illness. I’m now driving my nice car, I’ve been back at work for 4 months, I’m fairly content with my new housing, I’ve connected with some people, I’ve re-learned that it’s OK to joke around with my co-workers and neighbors instead of getting my feelings hurt at every imagined little slight. Today, I slept in. Then I got up and drove downtown to take care of some business, and I went in a restaraunt and had sushi (I’ve had a craving for it for a week now).
Do you see how drastically things can change for someone? I went from rock bottom 5 months ago to stuffing my face with California Spring rolls today. Am I happy with my life? In some ways. In lots of ways I’m not. Bad times are unavoidable, all of us will have them no matter what our position in life is but it’s entirely possible to recover from them and bounce back.
In a little while I’ll enjoy dinner and vacuum the floor in my car. My soda is sitting near me, I’m enjoying having my room to myself. Yesterday, the cute girl from down the hall who I always say “hi” to asked me if I wanted a paying job in the kitchen by helping her wash tables after dinners. There’s nothing romantic going on, I think she’s sweet and nice and cute (and in my age range) but we’re just friendly neighbors. I also hope that there is mutual respect.
So I was actually petrified and scared some months ago too, but I just put some effort out to help myself and I co-operated with all the people who wanted to help me. To help myself, I stuck with the basics. I took my meds as prescribedd, I go to my theraist and psychiatry apointments, I get myself out of the house, I be as friendly as I can be to most people, I don’t cause trouble, I piush myself to get to my job and I push myself to do the best job I can despite a bad back and almost crippling fatigue,
Count your blessings Ish. I know you feel real fear, I’m not down-playing or ignoring that. But you were blessed with brains, and good looks and you have life experience, and you have many accomplishments and you have support on this site. I wish you good luck and a speedy recovery.
All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and soldier on.
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