I will do something to end up in hospital. I don’t want to meet this guy. My whole family is pressuring Me to meet him.
Basically I agreed to meet this guy via text near his work. I don’t know him my mums friend gave him my number with my permission. I asked for a pic. But he’s not my type. I don’t want to meet him. My bro said I have to go to meet him or he’ll think I rejected him on the basis of his photo. I have I’m shallow. But my bro said meet him halfway not near his work so I texted the guy. And he’s agreed. I DONT WANT TO GO. I WILL KILL MYSELF
You are a grown women capable of coming up with some sort of excuse not to go. ie. Cancelling etc.
But thinking on it how has past relationships gone in the past with your particular type of man btw?
Variety is the spice of life.
It’s just a date. A chance to get out and mingle a bit. Nothings caved in stone. No need to get hysterical saying you’re suicidal over it. A very childish reaction from you.
Childish but very hard to deal with I don’t know any other way. I’ve never had a relationship and it’s no wonder why. I don’t deserve one. I don’t want one. I’m incapable of having one.
It really seems that you are struggling with this - If you cannot get out of it, after talking to your Mother - have this guy come to you maybe.
Make it a super casual affair - No pressure
Maybe work on what’s bugging you the most on this. IDK why your folks didn’t just invite him round for dinner and introduce the two of you there. Maybe something you could suggest and might take the pressure off.
I do think your quite capable of having a relationship. I just think your not really ready to settle down. Which is what your family are pushing. By the settling down bit I mean when your feeling more comfortable then being pressured into it.
My mother does not know him. I’m sorry guys I react very badly to social situations I feel uncomfortable with I try to get out when it feels awkward. I don’t know why I’m crying over this stupid reason.
@Daisy79, seems evident that you will feel on edge in his presence. But, to gain a bit of good-to-have-met you respect from him, is it possible to coach yourself to interact with him without any type of pressure at all? Coaching yourself to focus on making a solid impression that sets a neutral tone? Considering conversational material, the how’s and why’s of maybe 10 topics that might come up? He might think you are a good listener. He might reveal parts of his life where he deems he is vulnerable. Or he could be a jerk and that’s where you need exit material.
If you can manage to coach yourself to make a neutral impression with this guy, and he’s the type of guy who gets how interesting gals come off with a self confident glow, then by the end of the event you will not have remembered how stressed you have been over this. You will be busy interacting.
I’ve been on dates before. I’ve been fine. To be entirely honest. I know appearances are deceptive. But he looks like a gangster and I’m very uncomfortable.
Hi X, is it OK to cancel our date? I’ve gotten cold feet.
He’ll reply saying yes it’s OK to cancel but want to know why.
Then send him this text:
It’s nothing to do with you, I’m just not ready for dating in general. I thought I was but as reality set in, I realised i’m not. Thanks for being so understanding about the cancellation.
Then he’ll reply saying something about ‘well, if you ever change your mind’
To which you reply
‘Thanks.’
And that’s it. Job done. Tell your family after you’ve sent those texts, and not before.
Well, go meet the guy and tell him in person he’s not your type. Tell him you’re very sorry but your famiy pressured you to to meet him when you really didn’t want to. So what if you reject him on the basis of his photo? What, is he going to cry about it? I doubt it. He’s a grown man, he’s a big boy and you say he looks like a gangster. If you’re nice about it he should be able to handle it. Be straight with him. Tell him he’s handsome but he’s not your type. A compliment should help smooth things over. You don’t know each other well enough to have some big emotional bond that means rejection will destroy him. I know the guy has feelings but you’ve never met and you don’t know him. When you come home you can tell your brother how you handled it. You can tell him you made the effort and physically met the guy in person and explained things. So that should placate your brother I don’t know if these are the best ideas but these are my thoughts.
Reminds me of a friend in a private all girls school before the big formal with a all male school. The girls where coached on how to let a guy down gently and as smooth as @everhopeful posted. If they didn’t want to dance or spend time with one of the boys.
Might worth a google for more such elegant ways for the future @anon80629714. Just to get you armed so to speak.