I have extremely negative self-stigma attached to myself. I don’t know why I can’t get rid of it.
The more I ponder upon my diagnosis, the more I hate myself for it.
Because I have schizophrenia, people think I’m dangerous. People think I’m unloveable. People think that I’m unemployable and I can only find work if I don’t disclose my mental health.
I mean, I’m an atrophying person who will lose strength over time. I won’t be able to hurt anyone regardless. But why am I seen as a dangerous person just because I have schizophrenia?
The news always talks about us because we’re schizophrenic…
I feel like I’m not even a person. Not even human. I think I’m just a breathing thing that is just alive because I have to. Because I don’t have the means to kill myself. I’m just breathing because I have to. If my religion and family did not exist, I would have died by now.
It just doesn’t matter where I am, and no matter where I live. Whether it is Canada or Korea, or any other country in this world, I just think I’m nothing other than a breathing being.
Maybe I’m depressed because of COVID-19. Who knows. But I just don’t even put value on myself anymore. I don’t exist.
Feeling like you don’t deserve basic human rights is pretty common for people who grew up in abusive situations. But we all are human, and nothing will ever change that. You deserve to be treated like a person regardless of your disability or the things you have done, or what has happened to you. ,
Thanks, @ninjastar. I didn’t always feel like this, but I feel like my entire life has been robbed of me due to abuse. I don’t feel like I’m a human anymore. I don’t feel like a living being. I just feel like I’m breathing.
That’s the only sign of me that says “you’re alive”. And I hate being alive. I hate it. I hate that I exist.
Therapy really helps with that. One rule my therapist made me follow was never insult myself. If I catch myself saying something bad about myself, I owe myself one complimwnt to make up for it. It is small, but very effective at reminding yourself of your own positive attributes.
I’ll try to think more positively. I’ve been just feeling really lethargic and having pain today, and someone yelled at me while I was out with my mom for a walk. I’ve been having a shitty day and I’ve been looking down at myself because of it.
Therapy unfortunately is closed until COVID-19 is cleared up.
Any chance of phone sessions?
Me neither. My therapist has it and I’m very worried for her. She can’t breathe well enough for talking on the phone.
I’m sorry. COVID-19 is a very serious disease but I’m sure your therapist will be okay. If you would like, I’ll pray for her.
Would you mind undoing the block on my inbox? I think it’s time that I open it up.
Done! Enjoy your PM capabilities!
I deal with the same things laetitia deals with. I have Coronavirus I believe too and wonder why God allowed me to get it. Life is just a never ending string of misery…I also realize because of Covid I feel worse I think. I am in an extremely bad mood today too though.
Did you get tested for Covid?
Yes…but no offense but I don’t like that question. I can’t breathe and its not panic attacks. I don’t know what it is…Ever since the end of April I feel I have asthma and everyone says its not Covid because the test came back negative but then that means I psychologically gave myself breathing problems…(some say its psycho-somatic)…there are tons of false negative tests for Covid…Sorry I am a little crazy and don’t mean to attack you as you are just helping but its not panic attacks …people say its stress but I don’t know.
Sorry…I might have said too much. I didn’t mean to be rude.
Sorry Aziz…I just realize you deal with a lot. I shouldn’t of said what I said to you. I am very depressed and scared. That was not that great of me to tslk like I did. So sorry—Just no one believes me.
Its ok you don’t need to apologize, errors happen everyday
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