Im not here, this isn't happening

Good song, i suspect we all feel that way.

Im not here, this isn’t happening.

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Weird, you posted this ten days after my best friend’s death (suicide).

                                                                                                       He really grokked this song.  

        Disappeared completely 5/19/14

Emi, I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend in such a manner. I hope you are coping with it as best can be expected. Condolences.


Why did he do it?

Because i think about it alot myself.

I don’t know why he did it – I wasn’t privy to his thoughts @ the time. He had attempted once before & told me it was b/c a voice he thought was God’s was commanding him to do it. Said it was like “being in a nightmare,” getting the razor blade, making the cut – not really him doing it, but something inside of him forcing his hand. Later he decided the voice wasn’t God, but a demon.

I’d really like to know the why – was it like the first time, a voice, psychosis? or did it all just get to be too much? 'cause that seems perfectly plausible, too. He had the reoccurring times showing up on the clock, too. Talked about it a lot. And now I can’t remember the times! Seems incredible, seeing as how often he talked about it, how significant it was to him – no one to ask now, tho…

Why do you think about doing it, pansdisease?

Thanks for the kindnesses, pixel.

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The only reason i think of doing it is because of pain. I am being drugged to death, it’s slow. And if i don’t take these drugs i will re-enter what they call a psychosis, thats even worse than the pills.

I also can’t find solid ground. I need a solid situation you know. Solid money and living situation is important as hell.

Also this place is horrifying usually and i can’t stand what goes on here anymore.

Times on the clock: started at 3 like in emily rose, 333 like in the fourth kind, 1111, 111, 222, 444, 555, 616, 911, i got a 322 when i woke up today(you may have heard of it). Sometimes i get a 144(you may have heard of it). Sometimes they don’t make it so obvious you know. But aliens began showing up and faeries/satyrs and shadow people and ufos and i got to see some bonafide magic from a witch. I also tried to convince myself i was mad but they even harmed me physically three times, and two of those times someone appeared to me.

And they, voices, started saying things that have proven they are seperate and have a conscious cause. They know things sometimes, they know things that i don’t know and there is no way a screwed up brain can know some of this stuff.

Sometimes they don’t make it obvious but in my case they just told me basically.