I don’t want to eat cause I don’t think I deserve food
I’m flushing my pills down the toilet (my anti-psychotics) since last night
I’m hearing voices everyday
I’m suicidal everyday
I don’t know if I want help, I feel like I want to crash, but then why am I posting this?
I think everyone knows who I am, and it feels pointless writing this because I feel you all already know what I’m thinking
I’m confused. I’m getting messages in my drinks telling me that they’re watching me.
Am I afraid to feel normal? I think so.
What do you guys do in situations like this? I feel desperate to get help and then the other me wants no help at all. So I reach out all the time but I also isolate.
Dude I can relate 100%. I remember not feeling I deserved food. I lost weight. Hope you can see past this and find a med that’s right for you. I fee your pain. I’m doing great now after facing all this.
I know the feeling. What I need is a twin who is 180 out of phase with me. When I need help, he feels like giving help, and when he needs help I feel like giving help. We would make a great team.
I know you’re going through some tough times but you have to just get through somehow
Do you know what a care box is? I saw it on tumblr for people with eating disorders. I never really used mine but I had fun making it when I got sad one time.
You fill it with things that make you happy. One thing for every sense organ.
Something to feel that you like (maybe a favorite plushy, put on an old comfy shirt, get a piece of silk and drape it over yourself. Whatever feel good to you).
Something to taste. (Ideas here would be a favorite food like ice cream or popcorn.)
Something to see. (A movie is all I can think of. A book would probably work well too though.)
Something to smell (like a scented candle or your mom’s perfume. I’m going to let go of my pride here and admit that when I get like this I cry for my mom like a little kid )
Something to hear (a favorite song is an obvious one but if you aren’t too big into music you can always go with an audio book.)
Soooooo now that I’ve just seriously embarrassed myself…
I remember that road… feeling like I’m swinging between running away and admitting I need help… throwing away the pill and giving in to the brain… barely holding on.
I’d say get some help on your own power… because if you do start to loose it… you might get involuntarily admitted… and it might be out of your families hands.
I hope you feel better. It’s not easy… I can imagine the anxiety is high right now…
But going in early might help you get back on track sooner.
You deserve what anybody else deserves. I think flushing your meds down the toilet is a big mistake but that’s only my opinion. We don’t know what you’re thinking, its impossible and you don’t know what I’m thinking, I guarantee that by a 100% . You’re suffering from paranoia.
Are you drinking alcohol or taking street drugs? If so, they may be overwhelming what your meds can accomplish. Recommended: At least call your prescriber, tell him or her what is going on, and get an emergency supply, and withdraw from any illicit drugs or alcohol.
I’m sorry you go through this. I’ve been there too except flushing down my pills. Call your pdoc as soon as possible. If you are to be taken to hospital it’s so much better to go yourself than having the police drag you in there.
Maybe it’s the wrong med for you? Need to change meds?
Do reality checks. Use logic to conquer your delusions. HOW would anyone know you here? We are people from all over the world here. HOW would we know what you think? It is not possible. I have those feelings too from time to time. But you can’t read minds.
I feel like everything is telling me to kill myself. I just wanna die.
I flushed my pills for the second night and I didn’t think I’d do it, so I’m getting more concerned and at the same time excited. I always have this duality.
I’ve tried so many meds, and the side effects have ranged from not being able to speak to needing a walker because my leg muscles would shake and stiffen. I’m tired of medication.
The scary thing is that I’m always with somebody. Never alone. If I ever wanted to live on my own, it would be a death sentence. If my family ever left the house for more than an hour I don’t know how I’d behave. And that’s on meds, now I’m getting off them.
I don’t understand how my mind can be saying two things at once: stay healthy and don’t take you pills; stay alive and kill yourself; ask for help and do this on your own. It’s like there’s a war in my head.
You seem to be suffering from duality. “Duality keeps us in symptoms”. “Decide plan and act.” “Any decision will steady us”. You also seem to be losing control. To lose control of yourself is scary. You’ve ruled out hospital and you’ve ruled out medication. I can understand your not wanting to go to the hospital again after having gone there 8 times in two years and I can understand your not wanting to take medication after suffering from those horrific side effects. It is time to have someone not yourself make some decisions for you. Pride goes before a fall.
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