I'm losing edge

I’m still in a period of life where I need to transition, and lately the complete void of errieness that comes periodically has come back this week/month. It’s like when the illness completely overcomes me and I’m in a amenisa/dementia dark state of mind that I can’t get out of or know that I’m in it.

I’m just losing edge not because of insanity, not because of the emptiness and numbness, avolation, apathy, not because of unprogression of my life, not the loneliness, not because of the misery or the voices, or the consistent agony, pain and restlessness, I’m past the point beyond existing or not existing. What I’m experiencing now is like i peaked on all of these things and have accepted them to be, but now what remains inside me is unexplainable.

It’s like all of existence is unknown, with one thing left to be know, a translucent unusual, errie end. Everything I am and everything this world is.

I don’t know if any of you will understand what I’m going through, as you already know it’s hard to explain the experiences of schizophrenia.
I’m just on edge and needed to blog.
Thanks -Chris

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Your authentic self, the person with goals, energy and enjoyment of life, is still within you. Maybe he’'s sleeping but never gone.

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Thank you @barrister