I'm late scheduling another colonoscopy

Recently, in the midst of discovering first that I had a broken back and then that I had osteoporosis, the proctologist sent me a letter saying it was time to schedule another colonoscopy. I asked my general practitioner’s permission to put it off, which permission he granted. Perhaps now it’s time to jump back on that gurney.

Seemingly I haven’t had a lot of procedures or surgeries. The dumbest thing, I had a hernia operation scheduled a couple years back, and when the surgeon meets me in his scrubs right before the surgery, he says, “Why are you here today?” Like, Duh.

I don’t have lawyer, per se. I do have two siblings married to lawyers, and a niece who just graduated from law school, and when I have had legal question, said family members have been approachable. But I do have a friend who is lawyer, and my girl friend and I did hire him for a bit of legal crap. More importantly, for my last colonoscopy, he was my transportation. That is, when I mentioned to him I was having trouble finding a ride to and from the procedure, he said he’s be glad to do it.

When Carl was driving me home, I voiced my complaint. I said that just like the time before and the time before that, when they have me naked and prepped and several anonymous folks have poked and prodded and scrubbed me, one other person who I’ve never met before comes to me with a clip board and a pen and says, “Sign here.” I give a nonverbal questioning, and I get my answer. “This paper says we have your permission to do this procedure and you know the risks.” And it’s like three paragraphs of fine print. What the french fry am I supposed to do? My friend, my friend who is a lawyer, says with a knowing nod of his head, “Yeah, I sign.”

Well, maybe Carl will again drive me to my upcoming colonoscopy. And maybe he’ll be waiting in wings should I get in trouble with the proctologist. That is, this guy or gal is going to come to me in scrubs and introduce self and say, “And what are you here for today?” Quite possibly, I’m going to say straight faced, “Well, I was really hoping you were going to give me the procedure that would make my thought disorder go away.”