I’ve been depressed a lot lately. I will adress this issue with my pdoc and I’ll start therapy in January, already talked with a CBT therapist today and we’ll schedule an appointment after christmas.
I’ve been really down, don’t want to do anything, it hurts to leave every morning for school. I feel lonely but I don’t want to be with anyone also. All the new friends I made are all drinkers and I need to get away from that as fast as I can, so I’m not tempted to drink again. Since christmas break started all I want to do is vegetate in front of the computer. I’ve been sleeping 10-11 hours too.
I don’t feel like studying, I feel like it’s a waste of my time and my money to pursue the acupuncturist career because I will fail. I’m not sure I will, but I’m sure I will.
My mind is always deluded. The grandiose delusion that I’m god just wont leave me alone. I’m done fighting it, if my mind wants to believe I’m god, whatever, I don’t have the strenght to keep fighting it. (I might create a new universe where none of us have sz or other disorders).
Christmas is not that appealing to me. I’m paranoid about what my family thinks of me so I’m not really looking forward to it.
So, I’m jealous of my cat. I want to sleep all day next to the heater too. Hibernate without a care in the world, my bowl of food is full, so is the water and there’s always someone to pet me. That’s the life.
I know AP’s touch us all differently, but have you thought of Latuda. It’s got me in a good place sz wise, and it also has an antidepressant built into it. Risperidone, Invega’s cousin, left me with too many positive symptom leftovers. Latuda can cause some akathisia, so you would probably have to take something for that, so just a thought @Minnii.
Oh, sweet minnii, seems like you need a gift too! Im definitely familiar with vegetative state. At the end, you get bored of it too.
You know that when depression takes over, your feelings are the last thing to hold onto. What you feel and even think now is not objective, it is ‘automatic’ and irrational. Try to apply logic and just go through it…we are not perfect…but you are not of those who are giving up.
Maybe it’s not a delusion. Some people believe that God is the sum of all intelligent consciousness. Much like many grains of dirt make up a mountain, many grains of consciousness make up “God”. Perhaps during your psychotic episodes somehow you transcend your normal individual self consciousness and merge with “God”.
That seems like that would be nice sometimes, but it would quickly get boring fast. Perhaps your cat is secretly jealous about you leaving the house! Perhaps he sits around and dreams about the adventures that you go on while outside the house!
Perhaps. My delusions are bit more self-centered lol, I’m more narcissistic. Ah well, maybe it’s all just one consciousness and we’re not ill we’re just overly sensitive to it. Crossed my mind a million times… Shoo delusional thinking, shoo!
He’s just to frightened of the outside! lol Thanks for the chuckle though