I thought my husband would help me through this, but I’m coming to realize (again) that he is a selfish person, incapable of considering the needs and feelings of others, let alone tending to them.
We argued twice today. First because he made fun of me in front of friends and family yesterday, then because he yelled at one of our kids.
I am desperate. I’m sleeping 12 to 14 hrs a day because of Seroquel, with every authority in my life telling me I must continue until I get a psychiatrist again, and while I’m asleep he’s doing nothing.
He doesn’t love me. He thinks he does. I’m not sure how i feel about him anymore at all. I need someone who will help me, and he isn’t helping.
I have no family – they abandoned me a long time ago. I have no friends. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t raise these kids on my own.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Would he consider marital counseling? Maybe hearing a professional perspective can help him to open his eyes. I was also married to a very selfish, self-centered, controlling person who’s only concern was himself. I really believe counseling could have changed his view and saved us. I have been divorced ten years and it was HELL trying to make it on my own with the kids who are grown now.
My thoughts are with you.
Sz affects our perceptions, and sometimes it’s easy to expect more from someone than they’re capable of being.
Marriage is working with each other, and a lot of compromise.
Nothing is easy when kids are involved, but they didn’t ask to be born.
I suggested marriage counseling to him back in December after we argued for a long while and I told him I wanted him to leave. He said he’d find us a therapist. I said I didn’t believe him, and it was up to him to do it, if he wanted to save our marriage.
I asked him about it a few weeks ago. He said he lost the phone numbers for them, and made it somehow my fault that it hasn’t been set up.
The only way I remember all this is because I’ve been trying to keep a daily journal. Otherwise I wouldn’t even remember.
So i guess I’m waiting on him to fulfill yet another fake promise made to shut me up.
Is there any way you could tell him not to worry about it because you will make the appointment and then actually make the appointment so you guys can go. I feel your pain. I was married to a man who wanted the world to revolve around him but I believe deep inside he was good and therapy could have saved us. Some people need to find the joy in giving and loving someone else. Therapists can help people find that joy. I hope it works out for you.
Takes two to make a marriage work. I’d start writing down the things that make you want to stay with him instead of all the things to keep tabs on his wrong doings you’d be better off forgetting.
if you really want to stay married, building up your amo against him isn’t going to promote togetherness.
I don’t think he’s capable of being or becoming the person I need. I don’t think he’s capable of admitting it, either.
I know that sometimes it’s the illness making me push everyone away, or some other flavor of my own messed up psychology… but I’m beginning to really doubt my own ability to take care of myself. If i can’t even take care of myself, how am i supposed to navigate a major relationship and parenting as well, especially if the other adult in both cases is only interested in his own needs?
A sensible person would have left me years ago. A sensible person wouldn’t have married me in the first place!
I don’t know the therapists he was referred to, where they are or anything. He could even be lying about having gotten that information in the first place. I will ask him again if he has it, tomorrow. I’ll call and set up an appointment.
That’s very positive of you to recommend. I wrote down the argument because it was significant, and asked him about the therapists because it was significant, not so that i have a record of “bad” that he’s doing.
We’ve been married for twelve years. I separated from him for almost two years. We’re back together because I managed to get an apartment and allowed him to move back in with us so that he wouldn’t be homeless.
I have given this man everything he’s asked in life, including children, money, and a roof over his head, and he can’t be bothered to be kind to us, or even acknowledge us most of the time. And i am still willing to give him a chance.
I’m just incredibly sad that this is my life – crazy, alone, unloved, disrespected.
Maybe you underestimated his love for you.
Men love us, but we constantly test them to see if they do.
He is only a man, right? He has limits too, and he has not left you.
Husbands can’t always be everything we need them to be, that just isn’t fair to think they should, that’s why we need to look to others to fulfill that which he can’t.
He has limits, sure, but he won’t leave because that’s failure. Divorce means failure to him. I’m not testing his limits, I’m asking him to help raise our children and maintain our house, and treat his family with kindness. None of which he seems willing to do.
Kids are 11, 9, 7.
I realize a lot of this is emotionally charged and I’m sorry. I’m trying to calm down but i am very upset.
Your kids need him as do you.Why isn’t he listening to you?
At some time people need to step up and think about others, and when you have kids, that is the time.
Want me to come over and boot his butt?
Seriously though, you do need him to be on board with you. I hope he wises up and realises his mistake. Hope you can stay strong in the mean time. Let me lnow if you wanna borrow my boots, ok?