I'm effed up big time

Scapegoat. Scapegoat. Scapegoat.

You’re really not sounding good. Agreeing with others who have asked you to seek help right away.

It’s 01:04 on a a Sunday

They don’t have emergency services at your hospitals in S.A.??

To me it sounds like harm ocd, evil thoughts and or anger, or is your illness.

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Is it psychosis?

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Do you feel lost touch with reality?
Is it a delusion or hallucination?
Psychosis can be quite many things.

Yes this is without a doubt psychosis. If you go to a doctor he can help heal your mind.

You need to seek help right away. You are not in any shape to assess yourself. These urges are not what a stable person would have.

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I went to the best hospitals and saw the best psychiatrists. For a period of about three years nothing the meds or therapy could do helped me.

I’m okay now . . .