I’ve decided to give up my entry into uni for January term for the sake of my brother’s education.
My entry into university was aimed at December. My brother is taking his test in January. The dates don’t match.
So I gave it up. For him.
I told my mom, “Well, I’ll just go in May then.” My mom agreed and continued on to talk about how visa was going to take to be finalized, talked about how I made a really wise decision, etc. No “thank-you” from my family at all. They never thanked me for it and they just scoffed and laughed.
I could have insisted on going to university in December. But I didn’t. I wanted to go so bad but I didn’t.
But my mom just said to me: “Just think of this as God’s plan for you to get better.”
What? I am not going to get better. My MD is a progressive illness! What are you talking about? Are you serious?
My mom went on to talk about how I am not ready to accept God’s will for me. But I gave it up for my brother- my longing dream to go back to Canada in December. I GAVE IT UP FOR HIM.
My brother scoffed at me. “Well, just say where you want to go after you get into one!” His face had the look of: “Well, you failed one course so this is all your fault.” He just smiled and laughed.
I seriously hate myself. I hate my life and I hate everything. I want to jump out of a cliff or jump out of this world for the sake of ending it. I don’t know how to get around it.
But here I am, sitting around my family who thinks that I am not ready to accept God’s will for me.
I already have. I accepted my muscular dystrophy. What more do they want of me?