I had a psychotic break back in 2011 that was caused by alcohol, Prozac, ephedra and marijuana. I hadn’t slept, eaten or drank much a few days prior to the incident and I was sympathetic and embarrassed for my boyfriend because he was publicly humiliated and was suicidal. I thought he was suicidal because he was publicly humiliated. I had been publicly humiliated a few years prior but it was for something else that was due to my illness. I missed him because we were only friends online at the time and I got really down about myself and I was very depressed about the way my family was treating me and putting me through because my dad was hitting me. I pissed my underpants but I went into work not smelling, but after working for a bit it started to smell. I tried to clean up after myself a few times but it really only went away after my shift was over. I was asked to come back a few days later and did and got fired and it devastated me because I didn’t realize how sick I was and my family wasn’t working at the time and they needed me to work. The thing is I didn’t even mean to do that to myself and I was freaking out the entire time because I was wasted the night before, so I didn’t think much of it. I believe doing that caused people to think I was dangerous. Now people are stalking and harassing me and trying to put me in prison because they think I’m dangerous. What are your thoughts?
I don’t think anyone is stalking or harassing you. Definitely no one is trying to put your in prison. Try to look at the evidence. Where are the people stalking or harassing you? I know it might be hard to differentiate reality from paranoia and hallucinations. I used to get that too, I thought everyone is talking about me whenever I go out to eat or do anything. I gradually realize that no one is talking about me. The way you can do this is sometimes when you think someone is talking about you, look actually at the person, obviously don’t stare for too long. Often times you will realize they are just doing their own thing, like talking to their friends or playing on their phones. On the rare occasion, you will catch someone looking at you. However, just tell yourself that they are not intentionally looking at you or talking about you. After a minute or so, look at the person again, you will probably see that they are looking elsewhere.
I definitely don’t think anyone is trying to put you into prison. You merely said you pissed your underpants and went to work with it. That is in no way signifying you are a dangerous person. I was actually charged by the police with a crime but I got discharged. If I who was actually deemed dangerous at a point in time, am not in jail, why would you be?
There are people angry at me for doing it but there were so many problems on my mind at the time that nothing made any sense to me at the time that I was working while smelling like piss. I didn’t know how to stop and think about others at the time. I was devastated by my first break from reality that ruined my life and I wanted to get away from the area and the people that knew me there. I was neglected and abused growing up and I was many years behind and it caused me a lot of trouble in life. I treat my boyfriend who is two months younger than me like my father, he’s the only one I really look up to and trust.
The fact of the matter is, I can recover from my breaks most of the time, but I realize now the things that I did when I was psychotic have made a lot of people angry at me and they think I’m a danger to others and need to be locked away.