no not by men in black or other shadowy characters. I’m not being followed in a literal sense, I’m being followed by my psychiatric records. This probably isn’t a problem for most, this is probably a good thing rather, for me however it has been a nightmare.
It all started when I asked if my psychiatrist of nine years could refer me to a therapist to talk to about what I was struggling with. He first suggested I see him for therapy, which I did, but halfway through our first therapy session he stopped me and said “Do you have anything important to say or are we just going to be doing this the whole time?” Ouch. So that didn’t work out. Should have found a new doctor right then and there but I didn’t.
He then referred me to a woman, a therapist down the hall. This was going just fine until I signed the paper allowing her to speak to the doc who’d referred me. That’s when everything got real, real strange. She began asking questions of a sexual nature, I spoke to her of my past relationships, about love, but this is not what she was interested in. She actually said to me “we want dirt”.
She also kept telling me “You’re supposed to be dumb” and when I said anything intelligent she would say “I cannot accept that” “Who is telling you to say these things?” It just got more and more bizarre and as this happened I was unbeknownst to anyone beginning to lose myself in a haze of what was eventually to become psychosis. I just kept going to my appointments with her.
She even coerced me into signing something saying it was okay for them to have my hard drive remotely searched. She described to me in some detail what I had on my computer at home, games, pictures and other files…I still don’t know what they thought they’d find.
As I lost more and more of myself becoming more and more confused she took advantage of this and began to attempt to speak to me as if there were other people inside me. She would say things like “Who am I talking to now?” It got so frustrating that I even tried yelling at her, I kept going to these appointments though as I thought at the time that I could eventually get her to see me for me and not whatever it was she thought I was.
Yes I confronted the doc who’d made the referral, twice. The first time he asked me how things were going with therapy I gave him a good long look and said “It’s been very, very strange!” all he said was “Yes it has been hasn’t it?” The second time I confronted him about it, some time towards the end, he denied ever having made the referral saying it must have been someone else.
About six months into these bizarre weekly “therapy” sessions I woke up one morning and proceeded to drink ten beers and swallow my entire medicine cabinet. After calling an ex girlfriend to say goodbye I was rushed to the ER by my dad who she had called. Once in the hospital, newly psychotic and having nearly entirely lost touch with who I was at heart, I was to learn that when asked why he thought I’d attempted suicide my doc of nine years had told them that I just “hadn’t been sexually active in several years” and he had suggested having someone talk to me about that.
Out of the hospital, back in this doc’s office, he says to me “You’re making me look bad to a lot of people” I suggested to him that he himself was making him look bad, after looking a little taken a back by that he said that he “might be”.
On my next appointment with him I told him I had decided to drive out to Oregon to start a new life and that I would be saying goodbye today. At the end of this appointment he says to me “goodbye (my name) or should I say Matt?” Even longer story short it became apparent that he thought I had multiple personality disorder and that one of my personalities was named Matt…a real person in my past.
Back from my drive out west, after turning around half way, I ended up checking into a psych hospital out of town. There, fully psychotic and completely out of touch with myself, I tried to explain to the best of my ability what I’d been through with these people. Of course, having been in touch with this doc they didn’t particularly believe me, not that I blame them.
Some time later I end up at a 90 acre therapeutic community for the mentally ill. Longer story short, though I had the time of my life there, the psychiatrist there for some reason was convinced I was some kind of pervert. I had my suspicions due to things he had said and things other staff had said to me, but the entire time I was there they were telling me that he did not think I was some sort of pervert and that this was just paranoia.
Well, after leaving this community a good time later I got a copy of my records from their doc and low and behold half of the ten page report was of a sexual nature. There were things in there that I had never said and were not at all true. When I read these records for the first time with one of the counselors there I said “Well I guess they had to get me somehow!”. The counselor, who believed me that I’d never said those things smiled and said “you might be right”
Anyway, I’m starting anew at a community mental health center and I know they have access to at least my psych record from the hospitalizations and am worried that this bizarre and even traumatic experience will follow me there as well…I know that there probably is no record it’s self of the original sessions or anything they are willing to share with anyone else anyway, but I’m just a little worried as it’s very difficult for me to establish trust with mental health professionals due to what I went through and I’m concerned about the past coming back to haunt me again.
Sorry this was so long, I don’t even expect anyone to have got this far really 
