This is mostly a rant but if you relate please tell me your story. I’m interested in stories.
I post on here a lot… mainly because I don’t want to bother the people in my life and I can’t even relate to them anyway, they can’t relate to me either…
Last year I was myself. I enjoyed doing things like playing my guitar, playing various video games, hanging ou with friends on occasion, talking with my coworkers, cleaning and cooking…
Sometime last year that all changed and I slowly lost interest in everything. I was in a relationship for about 2 years and we lived together. We had some issues but I was committed and in love… I don’t know what happened to that. I just slowly started feeling like I couldn’t relate to her anymore. I thought it was just our relationship dying. But no, I started losing interest in everyone and everything. I just want to sleep and lay in bed all day, staring off. I’m not the same person anymore. I feel like a shell of a person, sometimes I’m an alien and sometimes I’m an unrecognizable monster, but mostly I’m dead.
Depression gets deeper than ever before. Mania sores higher than ever. Delusions imprison me off and on.
I’ve never had hallucinations this intense.
I’ve seen shadow people, ghosts sillouhettes, slender men, demonic faces in Windows, animal faces in ambiguous patterns, and the scariest one of all is a black fire like aura around me like death.
I’ve heard voices whispering, calling my name, saying “hey”, and once commanding me to kill someone.
My lack of interest and loss of myself are the worst feelings, though. I feel like my entire being was shattered and I’m busy picking up pieces, gluing them together, and praying for a miracle.
It falls apart again and again.
It’s like everyone and everything speaks a foreign language that I suddenly can’t comprehend.
Small talk is gruesome.
I don’t care about people’s love lives or mine.
I don’t care about people’s interests because I don’t have much myself.
All I do is sit and obsess and feel terrible and look around the room constantly feeling distant from it all and wondering if I’m not even experiencing reality at all. Like I’m behind a veil, seeing an illusion constantly.
Tell me I’m not alone
