I bought into the recovery process that they teach in day treatment and support group that socializing and working are the keys to recovery. I now sometimes attend as many as 5 support groups and do a little bit of paid work and joined the gym and am planning to next join clubhouse. I also am in day treatment. On my free days I go to the mall or other cafe and buy a bubble tea and it’s enough to make me happy. I have multiple movie streaming apps and both my parents are healthy and there’s always food in the fridge. But I think I do all this partly because I’m afraid to be alone with myself or deal with any kind of sadness. What if my parents get sick? Another family member is very ill. I am weak and can’t handle any stress. I have this tiny bit of nausea at night and I can barely find the effort to handle that. The only things that I can cope with are making it through the day with as little pain as possible. My memory is already bad and sometimes I even try deliberately to pretend all my problems don’t exist. I know I sound whiny but I feel like ■■■■. It’s a dreamland and no one seems to share my reality be it the low functioning or high functioning people.
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Its good you keep both physically and emotionally occupied. Why do you fear your parents getting ill are you dependant on them?
Partly I rely on them to be happy. My mom drives me places and goes on walks with me. She is a big source of support. Partly I just don’t want anything bad to happen.
Anyways I just know my lifestyle right now can’t last forever.
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