Living on my own may be necessary. I may need to look into bankruptcy though. More debt due to my past and brief addiction and psychosis/grandiose state left me with min payments that take 1/4 to a 1/3 of my income. Plus I have a pay $150-$180 a month now for adderall. But I’ll figure it out, it’s just not possible at this time
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Yeah I’m sorry if I’m being intense about whatever it is I’m doing, I’m either losing grip or am spot on, it’s really tricky to tell either way rn
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I know the undirected anger feeling. Had it for 5 years.
It’s just internal stress projected everywhere.
@anon99233869, I am not poking fun. I am absolutely sincere.
I too am a recorded, published, composer. I’ve also suspected at times, that my musical works were the result of grandiose manic delusion and that the whole world was laughing at me. I’ve since reconsidered.
Here’s why: I had very well established, local musicians jump at the chance to record on all three of my CD’s. I had several hundreds of likes and thousands of views on my YouTube music videos. I got Official Youtube critical recognition for two of my albums in their Contemporary Classical Music Video category in 2012. And everybody among my relatives and friends, and even strangers, loved my music.
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I came from an abusive childhood my mother would beat me because she never believed anything I said and my biological raped me many times. For years I felt hopeless like I could never become something good because ppl hated me and treated me like crap! I hated myself and felt the only way out was to end my life!
I was wrong! I am worth something and so are you! I know things are bad but it is not impossible to get better! It’s a matter of hard work to improve for YOURSELF and ONLY YOURSELF! Screw everyone else! I know you want to live cause if you didn’t you wouldn’t be reaching out for help! But know you are worthy! You are worthy of a better and peaceful life!
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Try listening to music you like. Music helps me, I listen to Spotify 24/7 even in the bathroom and shower.
Hi, sorry for not trusting, I was just in a really negative headspace. I hope it’s all good. Btw, I didn’t know you did music, that’s amazing regarding you success in it too. Thanks for replying to my nonsense, appreciate it.
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