If I came out of my denial I wouldn't get anything done

I don’t mean about my illness. I accept that though I rarely dwell on it off of these c boards. When I was 19 my family could see something was wrong with me. Then came a psyche ward and Soteria House. I thought I was perfectly fine. I didn’t believe I had a mental illness for about half a year at Soteria even though I was living in a house for schizophrenics! But it finally dawned on me. But NOW. I noticed today at work that I’m not afraid to walk into a roomful of soldiers, both men and women,and I’ don’t feel fear. I see my co-worker hesitating and sizing up everybody before they enter. Not me! I stride in, say “hi” and empty five wastebaskets without skipping a beat.I don’t know if I am in danger or embarrassing myself. No matter, I get the job done.I say “hi” to all the pretty women and often get a “hi” back. ME!! The guy who didn’t say two words to any girl in high school for four years!! Why can I work and drive a car? It’s like that kid said in “Risky Business” to Tom Cruise. Sometimes you have to just say “What the ■■■■”. Sometimes I am blissfully unaware of what the situation is. I am pretty shy but I will go by myself to my local Social Security office and sit in a packed room with some people who are truly scary. I have to. I’m an adult. But I feel like a kid inside. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this.


It’s like getting on a plane after saying 10 minutes before - I don’t want to get on the plane, I don’t want to…