I wonder if my thought broadcasting was my way of saving an inner loneliness and severe shyness I've suffered my whole life

I remember being a kid and shaking uncontrollably when it would come time to meet my friends parents I was so scared of people so scared of people that weren’t my immediate friends being in a group of two or more three or more I would get very shy and scared to say a word maybe cuz my mother was so critical of everyone around us I thought everyone was like that and they would hate me. Anyway as I grew up it turned into extreme crushes on boys that I wouldn’t talk to I just saw them in but developing extreme Crush for them and fantasize about them all day long being in love with me and taking me away and having a wonderful life even though I was too scared to even say a word to them. It didn’t take long before I got hooked on meth to make me feel happy and carefree. I had two single instances of thought broadcasting, far apart ( thought broadcasting is when other people can feel your what’s going on inside your head and they react to your every thought instantly as they happen in real time it’s not real but it feels real). But the thought broadcasting didn’t really start till I was 27. The thought broadcasting began when I was at my worst I was trying to kill myself with drugs and I felt extreme rejection after my boyfriend was a dealer cheated on me with multiple women and I knew I had to get away from him I was so scared of being alone I grew up in a good family with good parents I didn’t understand why I was such a loser. I tested at a genius level as a child but the drugs quickly took away all that potential. So anyway just thought broadcasting has basically turned me away from drugs because it’s no fun being high when everyone’s telling you not to and he can everyone knows exactly what you’re doing so it it’s stop that it also save me from killing myself cuz they would warn me against it. So I’m wondering if stop broadcasting is really just waves your mind saving you from yourself.

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I can’t objectively establish how real thought broadcasting is, but I’ve had some very spooky interactions, like full blown conversations with my mind and someone talking.

Regardless of that, I wanted it to stop, so I did some research as to why I developed schizophrenia from abusing Piracetam, and a study showed that it upregulated my NMDA receptor density, so by that logic I needed something to antagonize NMDA receptors to stop it. The only antipsychotics that antagonize NMDA receptors are Haldol and Abilify, which also happen to be the ones that have the most success at totally resolving thought broadcasting, according to some exhaustive searches through various forums for the anecdotes.

I saw that Abilify could work to stop thought broadcasting in a surprisingly low amount, 1 mg a day, so I convinced my psychiatrist to prescribe me the lowest pill size, 2mg, and I split it in half and take 1 mg a day. It takes about 2 weeks to reach max blood serum levels, but it really does work. I’m not having crazy conversations with people at a distance anymore.

Here’s my thread about curing thought broadcasting:

I was extremely shy too. Have felt people can read my mind.

It is good to think critically about where these beliefs came from. I found once I understood the underlying feelings that my delusions were based on it was harder for me to become prey to more.

It has no meaning it is only a psychotic symptom.

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