I wish my illness didn't effect me the way it does

I wish my illness didn’t effect me the way it does. I completely lose my mind and my memory for the past just isn’t there.

I wonder how that works, exactly. I get the same thing sometimes. It’s like if memories were formed on psychosis, and then your psychosis clears up, poof! go the memories, too. In some cases all I can remember is the feeling that everything made sense to me, but of course I cannot remember how on earth it did.

What I mean is when ill I can’t think back to things being normal.

Oh I see. I get that sort of feeling but it’s depression, when things feel like they have “always been” and will “always be” this way. Not sure if you also struggle with depression at times.

I’d rather not remember being psychotic, it’s a terrifying, unworkable high. Every normie has a flaw, it’s just that someone picked on ours until we dropped.

When I was having major problems with rehearsing conversations constantly I was trying to figure out what thoughts I normally had in my head before that started and then when I started constantly talking to my voices I couldn’t remember the how the normal way of thinking was like.