When I didn’t understand (yet) what observing to understand is, I thought very much the same thing. I was just mystified, flummoxed, helpless and hopeless. The docs and the pshrinques all told me I had to take “action,” but I could not for the life of me figure out what they meant.
It turned out to be nothing more than taking my meds and staying in school until I found the many “doors” there. REBT, CBT, DBT, ACT, MBBT and all that. Developing SIQR in school. Then the 10 StEPs. Staying IN the "process*. One action at a time.
You have a terrific foundation for this owning to what you learned undergrad. (Far better than most people will ever have because you understand what the culture does to people and can, as a result, figure out how to UNdo it. That is the action: Just looking to see, listening to hear, feeling to sense. I know you can do this because You Have Before.)
I wish I was a bird, at times, so that I could just fly away whenever I want to. But then it gets cold and rainy, and then I think not. I’d probably be a schizophrenic bird anyway, just hanging out by myself most of the time.
If you feel good with yourself then I guess it is fine…
I’m not buying that ‘be social’ demand of supposed normality.
If it is in my interest I’ll act socially.
If not…I’ll stay in my cave and not giving a damn.
Such attitude is not profitable in any sense…
Like, if I don’t go at this stupid wedding of some lucky bourgeoisies who will make everything big so that town never forgets the party…i can expect to be considered as rude and weird… Probably even “sick” or “pregnant” or otherwise ‘disabled.’