I want to better understand my problems and make some change

I’m doing this again. I sent letters. I receive invitations for written test and interview for some of them. And then I get caught in some mixed feelings, like anxiety over being incapable to do the job, and then cannot motivate myself to show up. If I say I fear of the interview, I fear even more if I get the job successfully. I fear of losing control and failing to act normally. And I doubt if I could maintain a good level of consciousness for 10 hours every day. …

I usually do not receive invitations for low level jobs but the professional and senior ones, which means I have to supervise some people. My CV is somewhat shinny. Unfortunately, the person is not any longer. I doubt if it would be a disaster if I am getting that role. It takes long time for me to make every decision. And I could not put a couple of things into my attention simultaneously. If I am thinking about something, I fail to perform at the routine tasks. I have got a lot of self doubt. I think I would not get hired simply for being sleepy all the time. I think I look too anxious and low energy in the interview. I tend to talk in a disorganized and confusing way. May be it is the stress.

So, I didn’t get to the exam venue and hide in my bed escaping from the reality this morning. They say it is a mental health condition. You desire some thing and choose to approach. You fear it at the same time but only find out when the time comes. As it gets into proximity, I break down. When it is distant, the desire wins. I know the fear is somehow irrational. I don’t have the problem of not showing up to appointment prior to the onset.

I don’t know what is the next step. I have no show for a number of interviews last year. When I finally make myself show up to some of them, I do not perform good enough. I have got an interview this coming friday. I do need to do something to make a different this time.

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Well, at least you’re trying. Job interviews are very stressful. As an assignment for school, I have to do a mock job interview, and I’m dreading it.

Do you think you can handle the job for the upcoming interview on Friday?

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At this point of time, my answer is yes I could.

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Do you see a therapist? I think that this is a pretty hard problem, the kind of problem I would only tell my therapist about. But if you don’t, I would imagine that my therapist would say that you are doubting yourself at the last minute, that something stops your motivation, and it sounds like it’s your perception of yourself that is stopping you from achieving your goals. You repeat that you don’t think you perform well enough and would be terrible at any job you get, which is very defeatist.

I think you are conflicted, that’s rather obvious. You can’t make up your mind about your abilities and it’s causing you distress. I would bring this up in a NAMI or other support group meeting and/or ask your therapist about it.


Then go for that interview. You can do it!! Something I learned from my class, when they ask you, “Tell me about yourself,” what they really mean is, “Why should we hire you?” Also, get prepped, know their mission statement, if they have one, read up on the company, if they have a web site. Here are some questions that my teacher thinks they might ask:
What do you know about our organization?
Why do you want this job?
Who are our major competitors?
What would your previous coworkers say about you?
Are you applying for other jobs?
What are you like working in a team?
What sort of person do you not like to work with? (this is a trick question) You could just say something like, “Every person is different to work with, and I try to get along with everyone.”
What is your biggest weakness?
What is your greatest strength?
How do you respond to your biggest professional disappointment?
What kind of decisions do you find most difficult to take?
What kind of an idea did you successfully implement?
Why should we hire you?
What kind of salary do you expect? (give them a range that would be truly satisfying to you)
Do you have any questions for us?
(you can ask, “How soon can I start? When can I expect to hear back?”)
They also might ask about your education, like:
What were your favorite classes?
What was the most challenging thing you had to do in that class?
What was your most challenging class?

Hope this helps.

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There are lots of websites that list questions that job interviewers ask, AND they tell you how to answer. Caroline lists a lot of them but you may want to peruse a couple.

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Yes, definitely go through the list that Caroline put up, you have to be prepared to answer even the question if you were a cartoon character which one would you be. I had to ask that at a day camp when I hired people. haha.


You think to much.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
Your over focus on the thing that could happen so much you get tunnel vision, then you give up before you start.
Do you really not want want to work…?

No, I want to work. I just need to make it possible.

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Then why destroy the possibility before you give it a chance?

Idk the thoughts just come to my mind and the responses come out. Would u call them intrusive thoughts?

I think it is also related to the reality - I have limited capacity. I’m not as versatile as I used to be.

Intrusive thoughts, no.
Self defeating thoughts, yes.
You have to limit them if you want to reach your goal of getting a job.
It’s easy to talk yourself out of something you don’t really want to do.

Don’t want to do, no. Fear, yes.

Ok, but the fear is based in your thought, not in reality. Therefore it is whithin your control. It can be stoped by you, if you work hard enough at it.
No, it isn’t easy, but how bad you want that job will reflect how hard you you work to turn those self defeating thoughts into a can-do attitude, which will get you to your goal if that is what you really want.
If you set your mind to something, with enough determination, there isn’t anything you shouldn’t be able to obtain.

I just left my workplace now and have sometime to think about what u said. U have a point I’m thinking too much. I do need to stop myself for a while and do sth else. But Idk how to think less and resolve my problems at the same time.

I get to remember today, maybe it is too quick for me to work at a professional/managerial level for now. I better work at a job as an assistant and get to know myself more at this stage. It would help a lot if I get a job like that and build up work record again.

You know yourself better than anyone else. You will find a way if that is what you want.
For me, the trick to not thinking too much, is distraction, delay, and mental imagery.
Dwelling on a problem only makes it worse, and it never solves anything especially when I’m upset or not thinking clearly.
Delay works if you give yourself permission to think about the problem later. Pick a time and stick with it.
This will free your mind, so you have “room” to accept new thoughts and ideas.
Hope you get what you put your mind to.

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This is helping. Thank you very much.

Thanks @CarolineC and @77nick77

I actually find the questions and the website very helpful. I think I am preparing better this time.

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