But here I am at 50 and I’m getting worse instead of better. My pdoc and i are trying to make things better. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep my life away. I have this mini vacation coming up and I’m so excited to see my best friend but so scared of the crowds at the comedy festival. It makes no sense to me that this illness never seems to give me a break. All I want is my little vacation to work out without me being weird. I’m too old to be this way.
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You should change your thoughts to be positive . Being able to help someone and helping someone gives you some joy
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I’m so sorry. I know it’s hard this baggage. I want to strip it off and just feel like myself again, but we have this to live with now. So you have to take a deep breath and try to enjoy your mini vacation the best you can. Be understanding of your own limitations and let your friend know when you need a break from the activities. I don’t know if you like hugs or not but if you do I’m giving you a big one.
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Hugs are great 
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It is very hard dealing with all this. I am 42 and feel the same as you a lot. I just wish i could leave all the weirdness behind. Yet it remains, so i have to deal with it. I hope you have a good mini vacation and get some laughs at the comedy festival. All we can do is take it one day at a time. Good luck.
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Don’t get disappointed you are still able to do tons
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