I thought I was getting better, I don't know now

I feel okay but I am very jumpy and fearful. I’ve been afraid of the dark especially since I’ve been seeing lights peering through the windows for the past couple nights as if I’m being stalked. It’s scary but I’m also trying to keep in mind that my brain can trick me but how can I discount what I’ve been experiencing? The same with my hair, no one else gets it. They say it’s fine and no one would bother spying on me. It’s not enough to convince me but I am cognizant enough to know that this is exactly the kind of thing my disorder does. It’s irrelevant because I can’t prove that I’m not being stalked and I feel better hiding from windows at night. I used to love running at night but now the idea terrifies me.

I’m taking 1mg of risperidone right now so I should be okay, right? I don’t feel like I’m the same person that I was even just a year ago. I’m not sure how normal it is to see words or phrases or faces in things or hear hushed voices regularly. It’s not that weird, is it? I don’t feel psychotic but my parents are telling me that I need to call my doc. I’m not sure if they get it.

I’m not an expert on that med, but it seems like a very low dose.

It might be worthwhile calling your doc. Sometimes others can see when we’re going downhill while we ourselves can’t.

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Yes, I know that’s the wise thing to do but I am also very wary of unintended side effects from changing up my meds. I’m afraid my doc will see this as something worse than it is and overmedicate me. I’ve been there before.

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