So these scientists that are controlling my brain put thoughts in my head all the time but yesterday, for awhile, I was convinced there were no scientists but, in fact, I had another personality controlling me. I believed that my alter ego, whom I mention here and again, was actually the primary personality in my body/brain and she had created me as the alter to use in this brain study. It was very weird. I believed it was my alter (whom I believed to be the primary personality inside me) who had controlled my body those several times and put thoughts in my head and was the inner voice that spoke to me. I still believed I was being monitored and watched 24/7 (inside and out), I simply believed that instead of scientists it was She who was controlling me and inserting thoughts.
It was really, really weird! It made me wonder if people with DID have conversations in their heads with their alters or if one personality controls the body while another alter is actually out (which, of course, would feel exactly as if an outside entity were controlling your body)
Anyhoo…when I woke up this morning ‘they’ told me, in my head “It’s us, we are controlling you, not your alter ego.” That is like the 10th time they have f’d with me. They told me they were God and then said “Just kidding”, told me they were Aliens etc and they always go back to “Naw, its us…”. My alter ego still exists, she is just out of the picture when I am here. Only one of us is here at a time. She is not putting thoughts in my head, controlling me or speaking to me. These scientists controlling my brain like to F with me for awhile now and then only to admit that it is them after all.
I know I am a certifiable nutball! Fully acknowledged and I promise to take my meds tonight!