And maybe that leads to my depression. For example last night I was thinking what was the point to me living if all I was going to do was finish my schooling, get a job then eventually die…I felt like I was just surviving and not accomplishing anything and that was not a life I wanted to live, it was not worth the suffering…but for many people getting a decent paying job and being able to live on their own is considered having a successful life. This is all the majority of human beings ever accomplish, that and maybe getting a family of their own. I hold myself to this high standard where I expect myself to accomplish big things, but with my illness it feels impossible so then I feel like a loser and a waste of space.
To me if I don’t do something important with my life then all my suffering has been for nothing. I don’t live because I want to live, I haven’t in years, I live for my loved ones and in hopes I can give something to the world before I go.