Schizophrenia.com

I think i might do it


#1

If i save up some ambien, enough to just knock me out cold, swallow that right quick and then have an o.d. of antipsychotics ready to go when it starts to hit i won’t feel a thing.

I just can’t imagine continuing this for several more years, let alone a life time.

I honestly don’t get why normal people don’t do it either, they’re lives suck to.

In fact, why do people do this at all? Do they have to or something? If something wasn’t forcing you then why would you keep going or putting more people here, doesn’t really make any sense at all.

I hate this place. If it worked differently i couldn’t have complained, but the way it is it just isn’t even worth doing and it sure as hell isn’t sane to have children here. We could have been absolved of that horrible horrible crime to, it would have been nessecary to have some children, but billions with the way this works?! Nope, that just turned us into ravenous idiot animals.

I don’t think it’s the end though, although i hope it is, i hope i just stay asleep forever, mmmmmm, sweet sweet unconsciousness, rest, no children screaming for help anymore, no more moaning and angry wails of agony, no more dishonor to behold, no more puffed up childish morons strutting about not even realizing they are rotting into nothing.

No more science, no more professor of madness explaining to me how the light that is going to torture me for five months straight soon by it’s awful awful brightness and power is governed by magnetism and blah blah blah blah this and that, “there is no ether” he madly barked at me on the television, the light that tortures you is waves and magnetism!

Wave upon wave of magnetism beating down on my cursed flesh, the pissy sweat seeping out of my pores, rancid heat.

No more rich, no more poor, no more war, no more natural disasters.

Just sleep.


#2

Listen everyday I try to kill myself. I would take a lot of Tylenol pm and stay up three nights and try to fall asleep and drown in the bathtub, until jesus changed me as a person. There are so many people in this world suffering, some suffering more then you. Don’t kill yourself, the dreams that you once had can become true. One day there will be a morning light, hold on to hope my brethren people love you and care about you. Death isn’t the answer


#3

Suicide? I think it should be seen differently by people. I would recommend that you don’t, but ultimately that is your decision. You seem like a cool guy to me just troubled. Its not very fun having a brain like ours. You shouldn’t be so negative there has to be something you enjoy in life even if it is just criticizing it. Life does seem pretty stupid. Humanity is pretty stupid, but we’re also the most intelligent beings we’re aware of. You only live once man there is no need to throw it away.I just get tired of having to take a ■■■■ everyday. Humanity’s future is up in the air now, we have jeopardized our planet, but there is hope that we will continue to carve our way and evolve. Which is something I’m extremely interested in seeing. That’s what keeps me alive, that and my loved ones. Just getting to watch the whole show pan out for the relatively brief moment that I’m alive. If you kill yourself you will be missed, I’ll miss you anyways. You are one of the more interesting people here on the boards. Take care man.


#4

There are many reasons to be optimistic about the future. I recommend you read up here:

http://schizophrenia.com/wp/

And see some of the latest news. Lots of good things that could help you turn your life around and enjoy things more.

Try to get out and visit with people in a club house or something.


#5

Kinda wish I could sleep through the summer too, but it’s not so bad. Not…that bad. Kinda is though…at least in the South.

Anyway, I’m sure you can find something to keep you going. There’s way too many interesting things in this world to just sleep through. I’m pretty much only running on curiosity at this point.


#6

First of all, antipsychotics and ambien won’t kill you, they’re both pretty safe in overdose when it comes to death. You’ll just throw up and feel like crap. Even something like Xanax you need grams of to kill you, thousands of pills. I’ve researched suicide a lot. Only 2 percent of overdose suicide attempts are lethal, people don’t research it enough or they’re doing it to get attention.

Suicide should be a right for every adult. I’ve wanted to die for 10 years with an exception of 1 month when I was manic. I’ve been going to suicide chat-rooms for 2 and a half years. No regular visitor has ever gone back to tell us he/she got better and is living the life now, telling us not to do it. I think some people have gotten better though without coming back to the room.

Don’t tell me what I should find acceptable. I think that people are better off dead but I don’t go around telling people that they should kill themselves. Telling me I should live is like telling a happy person they should die. Live for what?

There is really no upside. The horror, he avoided dying of cancer or dying in a car crash. All this enjoying life crap is just that, crap. There is no such thing as an intrinsically positive experience, they’re all more or less negative. Any pleasure is derived from a state of deprivation or pain brought to an end. I think it’s especially evident when we are absolutely full after a meal, suddenly the idea of food is not so appealing anymore and it wouldn’t taste the same. When you’re enough not thirsty drinking water will actually be unpleasant. What we think as a neutral state is not neutral, we are constantly in a deprived state, the greatest orgasm nirvana moment is just the elimination of all the tensions. Nature is gaming us, the game is rigged, it should not be played.


#7

Please, please, please don’t do it @pansdisease! You just need something. You need something to communicate and you need someone to listen. Once you become good at communicating people will listen. I used to be terrible at communicating, but then I found writing and it opens things up. So put down the pills. Please. And pick up a pen. A paint brush. A typewriter. A computer. ANYTHING just pick up SOMETHING.
Have you ever seen Patch Adams with Robin Williams? I think it might help. Patch doesn’t have sz, but he does have depression. He gets through it by learning that making others smile makes him smile. Try it. The movie has some good techniques.
As for children, what good are you doing to them dead? They were born, just like you. They might have sz just like you. What they don’t need is a story about someone slipping away. Someone they didn’t know. Someone they didn’t get a chance to care about. You could impact their lives. Like the centaur Chiron.


#8

I’ve been there. I stopped myself just before It was too late and asked for help. I gave myself another chanse on life. You don’t have to feel this way, it’s depression talking. Making you think this way. I got better. I don’t want to die anymore. I feel I want to hide sometimes, but that will always pass. Please decide to trust your psychologist or pdoc and tell him/her how you feel. You need help!


#9

Don’t do it, when I lived in my auto in America I had created a list of 20 methods how I could kill myself. I never killed myself, but I believe in my personal God, the smiling skull that I have had with me since 1999 when I got it in the southern France in the beginning of the Kosova war. My smiling skull is on my table even now as I write. Find your own God.


#10

-----Might Trigger, don’t read if you are easily upset. I hope this isn’t to graphic, mods please delete it if its inappropriate---------------------------

I tried to overdose on sleeping pills and anti-psychotics 2 years ago and failed. I’m so glad I did fail. It was very unpleasant waking up in a hospital vomiting all over. Going in this manner is not actually like going to sleep. If I hadn’t been in the hospital I would have aspirated and choked to death on the vomit. I did take a lethal dose (but someone found me quickly and called 911) and it did all sorts of liver and heart damage.


#11

Please dont ■■■■■■■ kill yourself. I’ve tried it, believe it or not, I wasnt always preaching medication adherence and talking about how awesome and recovered I am. I used to be pretty ■■■■■■■ psychotic, too psychotic to use the forums, I was too paranoid to talk about myself. Call an emergency number, NAMI has one on their website if I remember correctly.

Look, you’re not alone. A whole lot of people have suffered from psychosis and attempted suicide or at least engaged in parasuicidal behaviors (self harm, cutting, burning, choking themselves) and regretted it after they failed a suicide attempt (like me) and/or have scars from where they cut or burned themselves (like me).

You need professional help. You should express these thoughts and feelings to a therapist and let their 9 years of education do something for you. Just telling them to other people who have schizophrenia is OK, we’re here to support you, but I wont support a suicide attempt, Ive gotta tell you to get professional help.


#12

please dont hurt yourself :frowning:


#13

I believe in choice in this matter. It’s your life, do with it what you will. The only advice I can give is to not make a huge decision quickly. Give it at least a month and see if it’s still worth it to you.

Depression’s got it’s own form of psychosis. It puts you in a mindset, making you think suicide is what you really want to do. Narrowing your view making everything so damn hopeless. Wait until your out of it’s grips and in a clearer frame of mind so at least you have all the facts to make a decision like that.

Personally I’ve come to the idea that if I kill myself, it will be when I’m manic. At least that way I’ll go out on a high note. My preferred method would be to skydive (never done it, but it sounds awesome) while manic and just not pull the string at the end.

Anyway, I hope you find your way out of the darkness to a brighter frame of mind.