I think i’m going insane

i have this strange feeling over me
it seems the longer i am in recovery
the harder it pushes back
what is it?
this illness.
i hate every. single. aspect. of. it.
it has consumed so far, 2 years of my life
but it feels like i’ve been fighting for centuries
yet i know i have more years to go
because unfortunately there is no cure
i just feel hopeless.
like there’s no hope for us
but why do i think this way?
perhaps because i’m fighting back
it’s the evil spirits getting angry
but isn’t that a delusion in itself?
…nah.
i am frightened.
it’s an illness you cannot see
therefore
others won’t ever understand
and you probably won’t ever either
schizophrenia…you have commanded me to worship you.
i will not.
i almost got to my knees
but i will never please you.
i will keep fighting with the little energy i have left
you will not take over me.
that…is a reality i can distinguish

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I’m sorry you’re going through that and feeling so hopeless. Your words of anguish jump right out of the screen as I read that so I can see how bad it is for you… But you have to keep trying because it can get better. I’ve been fighting this for 38 years, since I was 19, I know it gets better for lots of people. You can get better but you have to accept that you will go through times where it seems hopeless or impossible to go on. But things change; at my age of 57 the symptoms have gotten way less intense. I don’t feel on the edge of going crazy as much as I did when I was younger, the edge has been taken off in many ways. You have to keep fighting. You’re going to have bad days, everybody does, but there’s hope.

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Just wanted to say I love your post. I can relate to every word, except I’ve been fighting for 30 years instead of 2.

Thanks so much for taking the time to add this to the forum. It’s very valuable.

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Sorry to hear about your suffering. Hope you have more good days than bad days. Too many bad days in a row can take a toll on anyone.

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I have little to say, little help to offer. I hope you feel better soon.

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You’re not going insane. You’re getting sane. It takes a while to stabilse. From what I can see you’re doing all the right things and are on track.

You’ll have bad days and good days but the bad days don’t last.

So keep fighting. You’re doing great ! :sunny:

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At least you’re beautiful and have sz. I’m ugly and have sz.

Welcome to the world of insanity, where gravity cannot hold you down. Reality is far from touch, but you’ll survive. Having a routine helps.

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Yo this is like some spoken word type ish. Keepin it real with that raw flavor. Hopefully you find light at the end of the tunnel… what am i saying of course you will. Life be handing us some bogus card to play with but it also be giving us winning hands. Just keep playing… eventually you win a game of life if you keep trying. I been at it too for a little over 2 years myself. With the right meds you eventually start winning. U might be down but thats just for now… the stories still being written for all of us

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I used to be insane a billion times, especially in a parallel world. I don’t think you are.

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thank you all
your support means a lot to me
:black_heart:

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Hope you feel better soon, I know it took me a long time to accept everything, eventually I did and it became less of battle

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