Score one for me. The voices in my head were being incredibly bad tonight and I was almost caving into their constant taunts and looking up how much of my medications might be fatal overdose and seriously considered following through with taking them. Then cried out God help me.
I heard a male voice in my head say, “I am God. Right now turn off your computer…”
But I didn’t want to shut everything down so I asked it how could I tell if this was God and not just another voice in my head and the voices were overpowering me again. Then at one point I shut the monitor of on my computer and asked the voice to prove to me that it wasn’t just in my head. Of course nothing happened. I turned on my computer’s monitor again. I typed a letter to myself, deleted it. The voices were still going. They were going something like this:
Voices in my head: You’re lame. You shouldn’t even bother living any more. There is no point to life…
Me: You’re not real
Voice: I’m here though, you hear me. So I must be real.
Me: ? What like if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?
Voice: Lame question. It’ so pointless.
I look up and there was a weird flash of light coming from my window, I know it was more likely a car pulling into a parking space and I caught the reflection of it in the corner of my eye. So I started doing some pointless research.
Spent the last 10 minutes looking around online to figure out what makes sound and if a tree fell in a forest with no one around would it make a sound. Because logically speaking sound is created when the air is disturbed and air pushes the sound from the source it comes from to where ever it lands, such as a human or animal’s inner ear drum because of vibrating hairs in your ear or something like that. Because I remember reading that there is no sound in space, so I began to wonder…
Voice: Who the hell cares about any of this…
Me…I got you to shut up while I looked around online for all this information didn’t I?
Not to mention my mood has bounced back up to a stable condition since seeing that flicker of a light, that almost looked like a star blinking. Now I’m feeling much better than I was a mere 20 minutes ago. I do believe I heard God’s answer and he came to my rescue tonight with the idea to look up that stupid little question online. If not it was at least a cleaver thing for me to do because now the voices are quiet and annoyed because I’m back in control of myself again.