I used to have a short fuse before I got on my ideal medication regiment. I had a lot to complain about, I was high-functioning while suffering beyond most people’s imaginations. I just wanted to escape life, and I often did my drinking heavily.
Now I am very rational and pragmatic, I am kind of numb to problems because I have been through a problem that I thought was unsolvable and merely a curse. I have a very long, damp fuse now. I really just worry about myself and that usually results in me taking actions to better myself. But maybe you needed to let it out. I had lots of times where I needed to vocalize what I was going through.
Distress is a natural and inevitable reaction to our condition, remember that. It would be BAD if you were suffering from schizophrenia and just feeling fine and not thinking that it was a problem…that would mean that you’re so far out of touch with reality that you would have no insight into your condition. Distress is normal and healthy, NOT feeling distress in your situation would indicate that your head is not screwed on right at all. When I first entered complete remission, I just cried my ass off, realizing that every moment of the past year and a half had been nothing more than a nightmare, and it was over.
Schizophrenia is maybe the most distressing thing to live with- it is the most horrific abnormality of the human brain. Don’t beat yourself up for having a healthy reaction to living in a waking nightmare- your reaction is indicative of insight. There were times when I was happy to be delusional and psychotic, I thought people were watching me and trying to kill me or get me to commit suicide and I would just behave psychopathically, I would try to scare them.
You have strong insight, I took me a long time to gain insight and show signs on distress, save for a few intense episodes of screaming uncontrollably. My parents knew I was psychotic before I was diagnosed, but I was in denial and believed some of my hallucinations and all of my delusions to be real until I gained strong insight and quit being in denial.
Distress is normal and it shows that you have insight into being mentally ill. Not having distress is a sign that you don’t think anything is wrong with you.