Sorry this is so long, but it’s a detailed account of why I am to blame for my mums physical pain and earlier death
Cancer was an example only
She has very advanced osteoporosis
She has shrunk - I dot know her height but she is under 5ft
4ft 11 maybe
I knew she had it for the last 20 years
20 years ago she broke her wrist in a fall - I think she was diagnosed at the time
I have known since then at the back of my mind
She broke her knee skiing 10 years ago and has a pin
I always expected her to know - and to be doing all there is to do.
I thought she was taking care of it
I have spent the last 11 years on the net and have probably believed I was dying of something as oven as twice a week with full hysteria
Usually spending hours researching
And never looking up osteoporosis for my mum. An 11 year black hole of not thinking to look it up
There are Many Drugs which can be prescribed earlier in the course of the illness which extend lifespan and pain free living
She has spent the last year sleeping in a chair to limit back pain, which she now has all the time
I think I can see the beginning of a dowagers hump
This would mean she has already got spinal fractures.
I can only excuse this like the warming on a cigarette pack, where nobody ever picks the pack up and says - this - this is what you are doing to yourself! I think this is still worse.
Also my mum was like a coach to me -
I jogged for 5 years
Much of the time I ran 3 times a week, and most of the time my mum drove the car and sat in the car for an hour or two… she would listen to the radio and almost never do any walking herself
I could have walked with her for half an hour, each time - just half an hour it would have improved my fitness even
This was 5 years of running- the final year I ran 3 organised races and in the end a weekly run of half marathon distance
This was the achievement which in negativity I have written off as worthless because I quit after a 16 mile run and not after a marathon
I was always neglecting her need to walk to maintain bone density
I still haven’t looked it up but we are talking about something that could have helped her to maintain in reality
This would not have been insignificant- even an hour or so total a week and she could have put off this pain which she is enduring until even a year later
This is made worse by thinking that I didn’t want hr to fall, so any difficult walks I wanted to take her on stayed in my head
I guaged her fitness on one hill climb we tried and avoided challenging walks for 20 years in case she had a fall
This is criminal
My sister - although most of the time she shouts at my mum through alcohol - takes her on these walks 20 years later
I can only see me coming to terms with all this
I can’t see a way out of the facts - that the help I could have given would have extended her life and pain free years.
She said,when I spoke to hr about this, that I had been busy being ill myself
