I still feel and hear hallucinations but i feel on recovery road

I can’t seem to get rid of the positive symptoms, and even have some negative ones… but still I feel like I can manage anyhow.

so I feel like on the road to recovery.



I managed before I got better. I just had the mindset that I was going to get better, even though I was not getting better. Some stuff happened, I got on new meds and a higher dose and then it cleared up.

great news mortimermouse. I have a mindset now that my anger, although justified, will clear up and I am hoping with treatment it will.


I deal with anger. I was a martial artist in high school and went straight to powerlifting in college. I eventually joined a powerlifting gym and got pretty damn good but was not exactly happy or feeling 100% while I was doing that extreme activity. I got an injury after a year of it. I was fueled by anger- angry at being just a kid, angry at the symptoms, side effects, impact that the illness had on my personal life, it was an angry time and I basically used by anger to make me succeed at my occupation, student and powerlifter. I did do some pretty amazing things like make a 98 in a class that most people dropped out of, lifted over three times my own weight…things that did require me to be angry about, that is the problem. When you are blasting Slipknot on the way to school and on the way to the gym, you might be a little…disturbed.

For example, powerlifting is unhealthy. It is very unnatural and most competitive powerlifters are on drugs. I didnt need to powerlift, that was me being a dumbass. I didnt need to make a 98 in that seriously hard class, I could have saved myself sleep and stress and made an A-.

I keep it more mellow these days. No more powerlifting. I workout with a guy I know from way back when we were kids at the YMCA now, we do bodybuilding stuff, I have gained muscle without putting as much time into working out- powerlifting wears you down, bodybuilding is all about building- hence the name. Powerlifters are known to need to see chiropractors and get massages quite often because their bones and muscles are being pushed to unnatural limits (If you inject yourself with things to do something, then what you are doing is unnatural) and yes those guys were on testosterone boosters, anabolic steroids, all of that good ■■■■. Im on three sedating medications for psychosis.

As for school, I am taking only 13 hours this semester. It’s stuff not-related to my major save for one class, Research and Statistics of Psychology, which is a lab class and a major pain from what I have heard. I should be able to make A’s like I have been without freaking out. I have a sense of purpose about school, I want to be a therapist with all of my being, so I will get a masters or maybe a doctorate unless I completely relapse. Hell you know what? ■■■■ what I just said. I have way more energy not on meds. I would be fine, my friends are here to stay, they have seen me psychotic and my family has too. Elyn Saks and John Nash were like 20 IQ points smarter than I am and they got graduate degrees whilst off their rockers, out of the pan and into the fire. It can be done.

I have moments where I feel like life may be exciting whilst psychotic, but exciting in a bad way. I just sleep so hard, have vivid dreams, and have to drink tons of caffeine to function on these meds. To workout I take like 3 scoops of C4, a preworkout stimulant cocktail. I still get faint during my workouts and feel exhausted after them.

It’s different now. I have friends who are psychotic. They function. We get along perfectly well, like brothers. They underestimate how well my medications work sometimes. I just dont think I would be able to accept a relapse, I have become accustomed to being sane.