I sometimes fantasize about alcohol TW

I have ideas in my head that when I die if I went to heaven the setting would be that id be practically alone just living on a farm with animals and maybe a couple humans my closest friends and I would be able to get messed up all day. And it wouldn’t effect my mental health. But I haven’t looked forward to this neither did I think this would happen for a long time. But maybe if I died and heaven would be able to drink alcohol a lot. Pot too. I haven’t mixed the two like I used to since I was 18-20 years old I was young and I would get “twisted”. But I will never be able to drink again I dont think which is a good thing. But this morning I thought id go to heaven id be able to drink alcohol. Lol I feel like you are not a physical body like that anymore when you die even if there were an afterlife. So its just a fantasy but it sounded really sweet this morning.

I remember in 2015 I drank wine all day long from afternoon to night and I said “Heaven is possible. Today was like heaven”

Then I woke up with the most brutal hangover and depression of my life ive ever had.

That’s why I started naltrexone not too long after. But naltrexone is a great med for me Im thankful for it stopping me from drinking but today I fantasized about it a bit. But hey ill get through it.

Years ago I was an alcoholic. I was drinking a bottle of vodka every day. One night I slept on the car and i was in a place with no traffic or people and I have fallen out of the car, the door ajar and I was sleeping for hours

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how did you stop?? Maybe being on many meds its hard to drink?? Not just drugs like naltrexone but ssri’s and antipsychotics can stop alcoholic cravings when on enough of them.

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I don’t know how I stopped. I was fat back then, I was drinking heavily in the army. When I was discharged, I decided to make a diet and stop alcohol too. So I lost 40 or more kgs.
Now with aps, I have gained them back

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you have some special willpower I believe. It seems when u make up ur mind u can do something.

I tried stopping drinking for 2+ years it took me trying to stop, just relapsing repetitively, making poor choices. then my pdoc prescribed my naltrexone and then Zoloft and Ive gotten better since. Abilify is a great med too but for me its many types of meds on low doses hitting different parts of the brain that seems to make the difference for me.

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I hope I will have the willpower again, cos I have gained over 25 kgs since schizophrenia onset and antipsychotics

when you get on more appropriate doses of anti-psychotics itll get easier to lose weight. you can have all the willpower in the world but on certain drugs its impossible for some people to lose weight much weight. I know I cant lose any MORE. I’m technically overweight but not by much. But its ok if I dont gain anymore. But I can get down to 160 lbs but then I bounce right back up to 165 lbs. Which I have no complaints of. But abilify doesnt let me get down to 155

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I do sometimes as well, when the voices get so bad I’d do almost anything to stop them. Including chugging a bottle of vodka and drinking myself to a passed out point of obliviousness.

I had to realize I was worth more than a drunken mess, had to find that little something inside that clicks and tells you it’s not worth it to drink.

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The spiritual differences that you get out of not drinking are immense. I mean, alcohol is so detrimental for spiritual reasons especially when we got as hammered as weee used to get loll. You lose a lot of insight, how are you supposed to connect and feel like one with the world when youre getting shitfaced to the point of disassociation and incredibly bad ego/anger/psychosis too… Im not saying alcohol is the demon but alcoholism sure is. I was lucky to escape when I did. I feel like a different person. People are surprised I dont drink. Im surprised theyre surprised. Given where I was then, and where I am now since quitting

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Hey, I just wanted to bring this to your attention. Fantasizing about the afterlife is a form of suicidal ideation. It’s pretty minor, but a definite warning sign. Is there any extra stress in your life that could be bringing up these feelings? Maybe you’re upset about your childhood home potentially being sold? Or stressed from work?

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My mother in laws bf was a bad alcoholic. I mean for years I never saw him sober ever but he quit it cold turkey and never drank again. My ex husband speculated though that he started using hard drugs like crack.

Papa Wayne died of throat cancer. He didn’t have medical insurance so the drs told him he had strep throat and didn’t really even check to see if it was cancer. He was black too. I don’t know if it was racism but the Drs just let Papa Wayne die. No chemotherapy nothing

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