I really can’t help it right now

Don’t want to defend his comment, but I suppose it’s possible he was just messing around and trying to be funny. Like a buddy buddy kind of thing. Very poor choice in humor if so. I could ALMOST see saying that to a friend that I knew extremely well and was comfortable with. Someone I knew had confidence in their appearance and would take it lightly. Not a partner though.


are you financially dependent on him in some way?

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No I am not I’m independent


Omg I would get out of that relationship it is awful to say that.

I had a ex ex boyfriend who said similar remarks.

He recently messaged me on fb because I came up as a friend request…

He knows I have insecurities about my head. And this is how he speaks to me.

People like that are not worth being friends with because it’s totally disrespectful.

It’s gonna erode ur self confidence over time, even if his other ‘jokes’ aren’t as disgusting.

One time is enough in my opinion. Also after that, if he’s capable of saying something like that once who knows if he will again aswell.

That ex of mine also used the excuse can’t u take a joke. Or, ‘do u want me to be perfect or something?no one is perfect’


Sounds like something mean to say disguised by a joke

I don’t blame you for it making you upset


I’d break up with him over that.

My husband and I joke a lot.

And sometimes about our physical features,

But he would never say that.

It’s hateful.

And if he’s doing anything other than apologizing,

I’d say he did it to start a fight.


I think it depends on the people in the relationship and the timing. My husband and I were friends first and have always busted each other’s chops like a couple of goofy friends.

People that make jokes like that are not usually compatible with people that are sensitive to insults or perceived insult. Neirher understand the other and a lot of hurt feelings happen.

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Some people think they’re being so ‘cool’ by being ‘real’.

Firstly you have a beautiful face.

And even if you didn’t, I don’t like that real kind of ‘reality’ of being cruel.

It’s not my kind of reality I like to live in. Nor anyone’s really.


I know I can be sensitive to these things, but what really gets me about this remark is just a few days before I was telling him about how I felt really ugly, idk if the timing is just coincidental but idk, it just feels really gross to me and gross that he’s not doing anything to make me feel better about it


If he has apologized, what else would he need to do? When someone has low self esteem, all the compliments and assurance in the world often feels false.

And if this is a regular occurrence, maybe you need to rethink the relationship if he continues to act in a way that hurts you without trying to change.

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Yeah that’s definitely not cool.
If he continues to make such nasty comments then I would reevaluate the relationship with him


I mean just saying I’m sorry and then immediately changing the topic just doesn’t feel very sincere I guess? I don’t expect him to beg me on hands and knees to forgive him but I was trying to have a deeper discussion about it because that’s how you build intimacy, through moments like these, and I felt just completely shut down over it

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That’s how YOU build intimacy. Everyone is different and obviously he doesn’t feel like it merited more than an apology. Not everyone needs a deep discussion to move on from a stupid mistake. Some do.

You’ll have to decide how you want to proceed instead of waiting for him to make what you think is the right move.

Ok :man_shrugging: well I think if you hurt your partner you’d want to listen to them instead of shutting them out.

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Honestly, you seem to want this to be your way. You’re insisting it be handled how you want or you’re going to remain hurt. That isn’t healthy.

Anyway, I have to start work. I hope this is resolved the best for all involved.

How is it unhealthy to know what you need and ask for it? Honestly, confused there, because my therapist has been helping me be more assertive with these things

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You’re not in the relationship, you don’t realize just how many times I’ve tried to have a discussion like this only to be blown off. Anyone would be hurt by that.


get outta there!!!
you do not have to stay in a relationship if it is unhealthy.
abuse generally starts with “jokes” that are offensive and the partner discarts your offense with a comment like “why are you so sensitive?”
where i live, in institutions where they help people in situations of domestic violence there is always a poster on the wall called the “Violentometer”
it shows a scale of how the abuse tends to become more intense, and you slowly accustom to it making excuses for your partners behavior. violence increases when your partner starts to realize that youre letting it slide, or letting the subject go to not argue more, but this is DANGEROUS!!!
ive already seen you complain about your partner on here before. DM me if u want. i have a lot of experience with this.


ehh…I think you are jumping the gun a bit here @snailmeat . Even if it was an intentional insult instead of a poor attempt at humor, I don’t see how that translates to violence.


@snailmeat i get what you’re saying, in my last relationship this kind of escalation happened, but my current partner I don’t think he’s abusive, he just doesn’t seem interested in true emotional intimacy and this has been an ongoing issue for me, so it’s on my plate to decide how to move forward . He’s never been violent or abusive. My last ex though they definitely made a lot of “jokes” and called me too sensitive and that relationship ended with them punching a hole in the wall.

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