With my way of thinking, judging things and reasoning, I feel like I no longer fit into society.
I cannot make new friends. I don’t think the same way other people do. I have a huge weight of resentment for the world and society. Animal farming, abuse, sexual harassment.
I haven’t french kissed a guy for a very long time. I am grossed out. I eat cheese, it tastes good but on my mind I think it is dairy, therefore it is gross.
I see people around, women feeling happy, starting families, I don’t want to have kids.
I saw a doctor and we discussed pregnancy and she told me I could get preg if I want to. I don’t want to.
You have a lot going for you, Selene. I always enjoy your positive quotes. As for not fitting in, don’t worry about it. Learn how to finesse those awkward questions. If someone asks if you plan to have children, say, “I’m not ready for that, yet.” It would be the truth. You’re not ready for it at the moment, and you probably won’t be in the future, but don’t say that. Humor people. Give a nod to their expectations, then go your own way. I don’t fit in to society either. I got to where I prefer to be alone much of the time.
I am sorry you are having a difficult time @mermaid1
Maybe try to gradually get back to what you used to do as work.
Start small, maybe an hour a day.
And try to move up.
I had to quit my mathematics studies because of a major psychotic break,
but now I am trying to get back in.
Try again and again, be persistent.
Exercise and try to eat healthy.
I am glad that you have conscience.
Try to find people who care and who have a good moral character, and let them be your friends.
Look for the right people as friends and they will help you.
It may take you some time, but I believe you will be able to gradually get back to work.
Maybe you need to lower your dose of the medications, change them or quit them, whatever works for you.
Remember, if you do intense aerobic exercise it will increase your reserves of energy.
It is possible to have a rich life without having kids.
Also remember, it is not necessary for you to get pregnant to have kids, you can adopt or do surrogacy.
Also you can go for some sort of compromise, like having one child.
I think it is a matter of degree. I’ve found that I have to have the checks on my behavior that come in social interaction, or I become eccentric. The times when I have been the worst have come after prolonged periods of isolation. Don’t cut yourself off completely, but don’t become a slave to the expectations of others too. At the assisted living center where I live I can have as much or as little human contact as I want and need. I still spend a lot of time alone, but I have enough social interaction to keep me from going off the deep end.
I think you’re lacking a sense of purpose, @mermaid1…
Having children will fill that void, but it’s a life long commitment and the hardest job in the world. You’re thrown into it, and you just manage. The rewards however, are wonderful. You get to relive your own childhood through your own kids. And hopefully you take the errors your own parents made and try not to repeat them with your own children.
I wouldn’t give up on the idea of starting a family. My wife has sleep terrors/ possible bi-polar…and I’m schizophrenic…but somehow it has still all come together.