I think I’m having lots of sanity in me, but the sceptic me is questioning my mind. That’s why I love when others say something good about me. Actually I’d like to be loved in so big level by others that I’ll be healed over a night.
I had that same issue I would ignore any thing that seemed out of place. Fearing it wasn’t real then one day it was something important that I couldn’t ignore and I had to face it as though it was real even though I wasn’t sure. Turned out I had been doubting myself way to long. It’s a strange world and strange things happen. It’s not always me. Things happen I had to let them happen without analyzing why. Doing much better now. I think I just learned to take things lightly and let God deal with whatever comes. And never stopped taking my meds.
I think that you’re looking for validation of your sanity from sane people. Man, no one is truly sane, everyone has something.
I would just do what makes you and others experience better lives…I mean given that you suffer by default from being alive with schizophrenia, you ought to find something that helps your pain and others at the same time. I think looking for being loved can easily get twisted…there are different kinds of love and way too many ways to express them. Before long you can end up with a logical argument that says selling coke to fund terrorists in a third world country is righteous and also an act of love for all that is good.
I wouldn’t toy with serious topics like this, ■■■■ gets real really fast and hard. I would instead take it step by step…like realize that almost everyone appreciates praise, and that you of course enjoy praise of being well despite being ill to begin with. What makes you so sure that praise actually means you did anything good? Did you do well or good? Did you do both? Did you really do either or were you just praised for an attempt?
I would turn that scrutiny inwards and see what is up. Some call it “introspection”.