Man I’m so sorry. That’s something I can’t even begin to say I understand, so I won’t lie to you. But, I’m here for you. You’ve always helped me and gave me support, so if you need to talk probably like a pm, I’m open my dude. Just rant everything and tell me what’s going on. I wont judge, I have some really embarrassing ■■■■ in my life so I’m used to everything you would consider embarrassing 
best of wishes my man, sending love your way
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I drew a genji last night I just tried to follow a reference picture as best I could and it helped get my mind off a lot of the really bad things at least for a second. I wanted to do something more creative but my brain was just kinda preoccupied with everything else. it made my ribs a bit uncomfortable cause of the angle I was at. I didn’t know water and graphite would make it smooth I’ll have to try it.
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@Noise I think you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you just don’t fancy taking meds(which is your choice of course) . Nothing bad will likely happen if you do.
Ok this made me physically sigh and it hurt like hell and yet I’m trying to resist the urge to do it again. No man its a trigger. My trauma is not a joke. Don’t tell me that it’s just I don’t “fancy” meds it’s insanely disrespectful. You know nothing about my trauma and how it’s effected me. This genuinely makes me so mad. Try to have a little sympathy and put yourself in my shoes. Meds are not an option I struggle to take things like cold meds (which I’m supposed to take every 12 hours but cant) I struggle to take a painkillers even though I suffer from severe migraines. I’m struggling to take the painkillers I was given for my ribs that are killing me. It’s not just I don’t want to. Don’t pretend you know me.
Ok then, I’ll play ball. How are you traumatised by meds? Did you have a bad physical reaction(side effect) to a med at some time? Is it merely a psychological antipathy to taking meds or are there concrete physical reasons why you can’t?
I’m gonna just tell you some basics about why.
- My mom and dad used to force them on me it was normally very violent and very scary.
2.I was a lab rat and I almost died cause I was put on drugs (not for sz) and the sideffects were severe enough for me to go in the hospital(part of my fear of injections comes from here as well)
3.My therapist was abusive and basically told me I was nothing without meds.
There are other things but that’s all I’m willing to say about it right now. You can pm me if you want to know more but right now I’m too exhausted to go into detail.
Ok so I copied and pasted that from an earlier question that was a lot more respectful than yours.
But ok when I get triggered it makes me have a variety o flavors such as
1.a panic attack. panic attacks are shockingly not good. Hyperventilating is bad especially when you have asthma like I do and also with my recent rib injury it’s extra bad.
2.dissociation which really isn’t horrible. Cause losing time and having a body on auto pilot it’s kind of like a “look mom no hands” approach to being a person. Oh wait except im not always on auto pilot instead my DID is just like hey let’s put a stunt double in your place have fun living with the consequences of whatever these other people do in your body. Look I love my alters but they get me into a lot of ■■■■.
3. I get suicidal like this is very much pill centric like of my triggers this is the one that is the most dangerous cause I’ve had it where I take a pill and then I just keep taking pills. (How I’ve never ended up in a hospital from this is a miracle)
4. It makes me want to self harm.
I’m tired so that’s as much as you’re getting right now.
@Noise Sorry I wasn’t on the forum last night so I just saw this thread now. @Ninjastar has some good solid advice for dealing with panic attacks and anxiety etc. without the use of meds. This hopefully will help in the short term when you’re experiencing acute symptoms. For the longer-term, I would recommend that you ask your therapist to work with you on Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy (CBT) techniques. There are also helpful CBT books and workbooks that you could use yourself.
@Anon10 @jukebox and everyone else on this thread — you all did a terrific job communicating with Noise and being there for them. That’s why this forum is such a wonderful place. Everyone looks out for and supports each other. 
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Here are some CBT books
@Noise, this is a pro-med forum. That is the culture here because studies overwhelmingly show that they are the absolute best shot people have for recovery. Whenever you post here, people will recommend that you find a way to take medications.
I understand that you have issues that make medications difficult for you. However, you can’t get angry and rude with people who suggest them here. That is a basic foundation of this forum, and if you choose to participate here, you will have to adjust to it.
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