I know this may be the wrong place for this discussion (huge ■■■■■■■ problem), because it’s not caused by my SZA. But I fully trust my fellow dx’ed here and have no one else to ask…
At the beginning of August, my husband’s mother was killed in a workplace accident. It was hard on everyone, and she was kind of the glue that held my husband’s small family together. Unfortunately, she and I were sworn enemies, like she hated my ■■■■■■■ guts and because of the way she’d treated me over the years the feeling had become mutual. That caused a SHITLOAD of tension between my husband and I (and my husband’s family), but that’s neither here nor there, not really part of THIS particular crisis I’m having…
So. She died, and I did everything I could to step up for my husband, our kids, and my husband’s grandfather whom lived with her and is unable to live on his own anymore. So I have checked in on Grandfather in-law regularly, done his laundry and shopping, doctor’s visits, etc. About a month ago, I was dropping off his laundry and no one was home there except my father in-law. My FIL has always been a prick, and has made several inappropriate passes at me over the years. I’ve told this to my husband before, and he always brushed it all off to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Or ■■■■, maybe he just didn’t believe me. But anyways, on THIS particular day, he finally felt free to act on it. He cornered me in the kitchen while I tried to small talk my way out the door, and when I turned away from him he was all over me, literally. I seriously had to STRUGGLE to get away, saying “no” and “stop” was doing no ■■■■■■■ good, I had to shove this prick with every muscle I had to stop him. He of course awkwardly apologized after, and I left without telling him what an ■■■■■■■ he was. I decided in that moment NOT to tell my husband, who in the midst of grief (and already a very jealous person) may have gone straight over there and murdered my FIL with his bare hands.
Fast forward to two days ago. I’ve helped my grandfather in-law move out of that house and into an apartment closer to me, he’s now living with his son and I still do all of his laundry/shopping/etc. Since my MIL’S death, he’s been incredibly affectionate with everyone, letting family know he loves them, hugging us all regularly, etc. It’s warmed my heart in a way that I wouldn’t trade for the world! My OWN maternal grandfather sexually abused me as a child, and my paternal grandfather is a chauvinistic prick who lives 1000miles away, so my husband’s grandfather has started to feel like the only real grandpa-figure I’ve ever had! I thought it was a little strange that he’s been giving me a kiss on the neck when he hugs me lately, but I did all I could to tell myself I was reading too much into it, it was probably just really sweet, he has after all treated me like family also. Then when I was hugging him to leave (two days ago), he got all doe-eyed and ■■■■■■■ kissed me on the mouth. Of COURSE I didn’t shove him the way I did my FIL, he would’ve fallen and broken bones had I done anything like that, but I did have to crane out of that liplock like a ■■■■■■■ Matrix movie, IT WAS NOT A FAMILY KISS. It was lusty, I definitely know the difference, I feel sick again just typing it. He tried to keep it going and went in for another even. I nearly vomited on the spot, so I just grabbed my ■■■■, said goodbye with a smile and left immediately.
This is really ■■■■■■■ me up in the head, I thought of him as my own grandfather figure… Feelings I’ve suppressed over the years about my grandfather’s actions have been surging back, I feel like I can’t tell my husband, can I not tell ANYONE?! What the ■■■■ do I do NOW?! Am I cursed??? Weve been trying to find/buy a 4bdrm house to move him in with us!!! The whole “I’m dead and this is hell” has seemed WAY TOO ■■■■■■■ PLAUSIBLE LATELY.