I wish I could handle nursing again. I loved it. I’ve done clinics and pharmacies, bili-babies in pediatric, sub acute nursing homes, hospital floor.
My favorite was hospice. Not in a morbid way, but as a challenge. It’s one of the hardest parts of patients lives, and I tried to bring some comfort.
Pain and anxiety medication management, helping cooking, cleaning, teaching, helping even the families, psyche work.
It broke me. Largest episode I ever had was related to nursing. I started hearing the angel of death, believing he was training me as an angel.
Ive only got flashes, but I was lost, zero insight. Had to be thrown in the ward. They shot me full of something that helped with the screaming voices, brought me down.
I’m scared now, if I went back, would it happen again? It always seems to happen. Fear around how safe I am to practice.
Miss it, but part of me knows it’s a trigger, nothing better to feed angel delusions than trying to save a life, or helping them die with dignity.